Is it just me, or is everyone super bummed about climate change? While the lame-o’s waste their time composting and not having babies, the rest…
TORONTO — Local man Thoman McKechnie discovered late last night that punk band PUP’s new album Morbid Stuff syncs up perfectly over the sound of…
GRAND RAPIDS, Mich. — Local woman Carrie Schwalbach’s new boyfriend is nothing more than a reissued edition of her ex with new cover art, disappointing…
The world is pretty crazy right now. From the news (Ugh! Am I right?) to stressful work days (Meetings FML), we all need something to…
LAS VEGAS — U.S. Presidential candidate Bernie Sanders could not take the debate stage until he found someone to take over his post at his…
WASHINGTON — Parental groups across the nation are growing concerned about a new recording technique known as “frontmasking,” in which satanic messages are conveyed when…
FILLMORE, Minn. — Researchers confirmed today that crust punk James “Pyrofuck” Polinita is officially the first human completely immune to Chronic Wasting Disease — popularly…
Phase 3 of the MCU will come to a close in just a few short weeks with the release of Avengers: Endgame. If you’re like…
LAKELAND, Fla. — Local 30-something Gary Peters only managed to listen today to 10 seconds of All Who Remain Will Forget Me in Time’s Notes…
PORTLAND, Ore. — Legendary childhood diseases Measles and Polio will co-headline an upcoming U.S. tour, thanks entirely to the countless parents who absolutely refuse to…
Dear Scabby: I just got out of a five-month relationship, but find myself eager to start dating again. Out of respect, I think I should…
I’m a really angry person, and my preferred way to show my angst is by making snide remarks at strangers and through fashion. And what’s…
MILWAUKEE — Local Guitar Center manager Dean Liston suffered a severe mental breakdown at a Deep Purple show on Friday night during the opening riff…
Fellas, society is changing. And NOT for the better. The fact is, whether you’re a man, a horny cartoon wolf, or a horny cartoon skunk,…
Spring is here! And just like me, I’m sure you’re excited for the end of seasonal depression and the beginning of regular depression! However, iconic…