PHOENIX — Local woman Sam Werst determined yesterday that the Japanese film with English subtitles “The Son” is simply too difficult to follow while scrolling…
MILWAUKEE — 32-year-old punk Omar Neihoff made a New Year’s resolution last night to attend at least one show before the end of this calendar…
CHICAGO — Local small-batch chocolate maker Wayne Barnes, concerned that Detroit will complete an economic recovery before he can relocate there, launched a fundraising effort…
EL PASO, Texas — Baby New Year, the mythical personification of hope and change, was detained at the Mexican/American border by ICE agents late last…
As Americans, we hold the constitution sacred. However, America has changed so much since the constitution was written. Technological advancements and changing societal standards have…
OMAHA, Neb. — Newly hired sound guy David Murphy was “not about to take fucking notes from some bullshit guitarist” last Friday night when sound-checking…
NEW BRUNSWICK, N.J. — A trash can located on the corner of Church and Spring St. gained sentience late last night due to a poorly…
DAYTON, Ohio — The drummer of local punk band Vulture Attack took a “confusingly inappropriate” amount of time last night to set up his minimalist…
At the beginning of this year my once stable life took a drastic left turn. One moment, I had it all. Then, I started having…
So that’s essentially my oral history of Paw Tracks Records. I’m thinking about turning it into a TED Talk or seeing if Huffington Po…. Wait,…
SAN ANTONIO — Local concertgoer Tim Flinanski is two tandem stage dives away from certification for solo dives in accordance with recently enacted safety precautions,…
WASHINGTON — Scientists researching the life expectancy of punks now claim that the first punk to live a full 65 years has likely already been…
BETHLEHEM — A local show billed as “The Most Important Event in Human History” reportedly ended as a “total fucking bust,” thanks to a confusing…
NORTH POLE — Jolly Old Saint Nicholas admitted he was slightly irritated last week when his workshop was flooded by letters imploring him to visit…
We have to tighten the borders in this country. And for once, I’m not talking about Mexico, or Alaska! No, this time I’m talking about…