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Guitar Center Employee Drags Unsold Gear out to Dumpster at End of Day

PHILADELPHIA — Guitar Center employee Henry Stiltz dragged another day’s worth of unsold gear to the dumpster at the end of his shift Tuesday, according to unnamed sources patiently waiting to sift through the garbage.

“I’ve tried explaining to my managers that there’s nothing actually wrong with all this stuff, and there’s plenty of people who would be happy to use it, but they just repeat some corporate bullshit about how it’s Guitar Center’s policy to dispose of any unsold product at the end of each business day,” said Stiltz, adding that employees are often forced to throw away bags full of perfectly good amps, guitars, and drum kits every night. “It’s just plain wasteful — especially when there are so many folks right here in this city who could really use some new strings or mic stands, and wouldn’t mind that it’s been sitting out all day.”

Many Guitar Center employees have attempted to find ways around throwing out perfectly good product.

“I used to bring home bags of unsold equipment — really good stuff too, like Fenders and Ibanez guitars — but eventually my roommates got sick of it, and we started running out of room for everything,” said part-time employee Carly Wilkes. “Sometimes after I close, I’ll load up my van and head to this spot downtown where I know people will appreciate some cymbals or a left-handed bass… but I can’t always do that. It breaks my heart to know it’s all just being thrown away.”

Representatives from Guitar Center claim that the company’s policy is meant as a safety precaution.

“Unfortunately, most of our items have a short shelf life, and we don’t want to get sued because one of our customers got sick playing on a rancid Yamaha synth,” said CEO Ronald Japinga. “We’ll certainly look at other ways we can cut down on waste… or maybe we could partner with a local organization that would want some expired drums or whatever. But to ensure that our customers are only getting the highest quality goods, we will continue to throw away all unsold gear at the end of the day.”

At press time, a line of U-Haul trucks was seen parked around the block as people waited to ransack the dumpsters for free gear.

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