LAWRENCE, Kan. — Comedy maven and respectable drummer Darrel Reynolds sent his bandmates into laughing fits yesterday by asking his math rock band Alcoholy Water…
Hey there kiddo, it’s been a while huh? “Achtung Baby” was U2’s seminal 1991 masterpiece, a rejection of their previous efforts, and a shocking explosion…
NEW YORK — Trans millennial Natalie Martinez realized this morning that the overlapping timing of their second puberty with pop culture’s 20-year nostalgia cycle has…
The ’80s was a time when a man could dream and that dream could come into fruition and nobody would judge him. No song epitomized…
ATLANTA — Emergency Medical Technician Avery Jamison searched through his Spotify playlist for several minutes yesterday before administering chest compressions to a civilian going through…
LAS VEGAS – Outspoken former UFC Featherweight and Lightweight Champion Conor McGregor shocked the world by expressing his openness to fighting legendary ex-Black Flag frontman…
OSLO, Norway — The brand new, all-black metal streaming platform “Corpsify +” is responsible for the brutal deaths of eight Norwegian black metal fans, despite…
Mark my words. If Donald Trump loses the 2020 presidential election I am moving to the only other place that comes to mind when I…
SAN DIEGO — Junior designer Lewis Cooper allegedly accidentally contaminated his entire office with the deadly coronavirus yesterday, thanks to his fear of calling in…
With the 2020 election cycle heating up, it’s impossible to go a single day without hearing about Bernie Sanders, the “progressive” who promises to radically…
LOS ANGELES — Heavy metal legends Mötley Crüe, preparing for an upcoming reunion tour, admitted today that they are excited to introduce their iconic catalogue…
WASHINGTON — Presidential hopeful, and supposed socialist, Bernie Sanders selfishly won his third state during the democratic primary and seems completely unwilling to share the…
WORCESTER, Mass. — Local straight edge man Matt Parrish reportedly thinks that his girlfriend of eight months is only interested in him for his clean,…
I am not the enemy. I think the system fucking stinks! Yeah, I said it. On Twitter AND Instagram. You should see how many rose…
CHICAGO — Democratic presidential hopeful Pete Buttigieg admitted yesterday that, in times of quiet reflection, he often daydreams about ordering the first openly LGBTQ drone…