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We Interviewed the Hives Who Really Should Have Told Us They Were Actually the Vines

Early 2000s indie was a unique time- we all thought that quirky guitar riffs, danceable drum beats, and iPod commercials featuring happy-go-lucky dipshit silhouettes would be a part of music forever. Yet these sounds already generate nostalgia for a specific time and place. And few bands capture that zeitgeist more than The Hives.

We sat down with the indie rock behemoths to look back on their music, the scene, and the future of indie.

THE HARD TIMES: Before we even get started, I just wanted to let you guys know that I lost my virginity to my college girlfriend while listening to you.
THE HIVES: Oh, ha haha! Actually, that’s not the first time we’ve heard that. Glad to be a part of a big milestone like that!
Yeah, it was to that song “Walk Idiot Walk.” I barely lasted until the end of the first chorus.
Umm, that wasn’t us.
No, I know, I was just super horny.
No, we didn’t do that song. 
THE HIVES THE VINES: That was by our friends in The Hives. We’re The Vines.
Well what the fuck? Why didn’t you say something earlier? I didn’t like you guys nearly as much as I liked The Hives.
Why is it our responsibility to make sure you know who we are? You’re the music journalist here.
Fine, whatever. Let’s just keep going with the interview. So do you have any memories of touring with The Hives?
Are you seriously just going to ask us questions about The Hives? If that’s all you care about then why are we even continuing this interview?
My editor is an asshole and I fucked up too many times. If I don’t turn in an interview I could lose my job! Please, help me out. I mean you sort of owe me after the whole ‘not being The Hives’ thing.
We don’t owe shit pal! But… getting fired sucks. Ok, ask us a few questions. 
You guys rock! Ok so I’m looking at your Spotify and you don’t have as many streams as The Hives. Would you say that is an objective metric that says they’re better than you?
Ok, fuck you- we’re leaving. This interview is over.
Oh shit, wait- you guys did that song “Get Free”? That song fucking slaps!
I lasted all the way to the bridge on that one. Guys?