Look at all you suckers, shelling out over a hundred dollars for forty-five minutes with some “expert” to help deal with your issues. Not me,…
NEW YORK — Violent criminals and feral animals from across the country gathered in New York yesterday to protest America’s unfair comparison of their ilk…
Members of the World Health Organization announced last Friday that the iconic Food Pyramid will be revised to include ‘feelings’ as a basic food group.…
COSTA MESA, Calif. — Local man Nate Mullins, a self-described “punker” and the world’s youngest Pennywise fan, turned 40 years old earlier this week, sources…
Early 2000s indie was a unique time- we all thought that quirky guitar riffs, danceable drum beats, and iPod commercials featuring happy-go-lucky dipshit silhouettes would…
WASHINGTON — Democrats have proposed historic legislation that would end the traditional “goodnight kiss” they previously gave all cops right after tucking them into bed…
MIAMI — Ofc. Mark Stewart of the Miami Police Department has reportedly changed his opinion on being filmed while on the job, despite once proudly…
Friend Celebrating Birthday at Home in Quarantine Still Manages to Start Drunken Fight and Lose Shoe
Friend Celebrating Birthday at Home in Quarantine Still Manages to Start Drunken Fight and Lose Shoe
MONTCLAIR, N.J. — Local woman Frankie Landis exceeded all her previous birthday expectations by somehow still managing to start a drunken fight and lose her…
BROOKLYN, N.Y. — Local protester John Reid reportedly missed a number of anti-police protests over the last few weeks, thanks to spending too much time…
DALLAS — Patients at Dallas General Hospital learned yesterday that Dr. Graham Alder, one of the facility’s most trusted surgeons, is actually a “total pussy”…
As I finally finish putting my one-year-old son to bed, I retire to the porch to smoke tobacco from a long pipe. I ponder war,…
SACRAMENTO, Calif. — 26-year-old pop-punk frontman Derrick Ford hit his breaking point last week while tutoring his 17-year-old girlfriend Madison Parker during online summer school…
ASHEVILLE, N.C. — Local concerned citizen Rob Cinyek is providing a detailed play-by-play account of last night’s protests against racial injustice, as witnessed in real…
COLUMBUS — Local 7th grader Theo Hansen was shocked to learn that he had been added to the national terrorist watchlist for scribbling a poorly-drawn…
CHICAGO — A small group of household objects joined together last night to escape an impending and prolonged fucking by the “insatiable lady of the…