DULUTH, Minn. — Professional sound technician Greg Thornton released an exasperated and rambling statement confirming that he also doesn’t understand why his presence would be…
Thanksgiving: the most quintessentially American of all holidays. More than Christmas, more than the Fourth of July, even more than Toyotathon, Americans consider Thanksgiving to…
ATLANTA — A terrified passenger aboard flight 1894 to Portland expressed slight relief today in noting that the creature on the wing of his plane…
Covid has killed over 700 thousand Americans since the beginning of 2020. Unfortunately, my beloved uncle Lee became another statistic last night. I appreciate the…
GARY, Ind. — Local jam band Welcome Back Emmett Otter increasingly wishes that someone in the audience of The Jackawolf would tell them when the…
AUBURN HILLS, Mi. — Major US automotive company Chrysler announced that its new 2022 line of vehicles were as big as a whale, and fully…
HOMEWOOD, Ill. — First responders are attempting to reach a group of fathers that became stuck when a local man-cave weakened and toppled around them…
Classic rock is so canonized in our hearts, minds and hour-long Rock Blocks on FM radio that it’s easy to forget they didn’t come from…
CHICAGO — Local young couple Brandon Brentwood and Jade Long discovered that Long’s grandmother is just trying way too hard after going through her vinyl…
Each Sunday, The Hard Times travels back and reviews a notable album from the past. This week we look back on the 1985 album that…
PALO ALTO, Calif. — Scientists for Tesla’s robotics team have reported that recent requests from senior management indicate that they are more than likely being…
SEATTLE — Local amateur groupie Sarah Pepper is reportedly horrified after accidentally sleeping with the deceased body lying behind a local bar’s PA system. “I…
When 10-year-old Jackson Tolbert’s teacher told her students to write an essay about their “hero,” she expected most of them would choose athletes, action heroes,…
EUGENE, Ore. — Local punk Randy “Dirty Randy” Lopez made a surprisingly well-thought-out and articulated case for the Chrysler PT Cruiser as a counter-culture icon,…
According to some fans, “The Simpsons” has predicted numerous future events, including the election of Donald Trump and a tiger attack of Siegfried and Roy.…