I had a plan! My star was going to shine so brightly that it burned out before my time! I was supposed to get stupid…
BALTIMORE — Local man Clyde Harris showed great restraint when he gently and thoughtfully relocated the Line 6 Spider that scared his girlfriend to the…
HENNEPIN COUNTY, Minn. — The largely unsupervised Peanuts gang has finally called Child Protective Services on the parents of their unhygienic and destitute classmate Pigpen.…
LOS ANGELES — Local mother Donna Haim urged the three members of her daughters’ band HAIM to take their little brother with them on tour…
Urban life has its ups and downs. On one hand, you can find something cool to do almost every night of the week. But then…
This morning I woke up motivated. Motivated to make art. So, just like so many amateur artists in America, I drove to one of the…
BURLINGTON, Vt. — Local white woman Donna Phelps helpfully reminded her biracial friend Mariah Dominguez that they are, in fact, partially white too, upon hearing…
BUFFALO, N.Y. — New father Gareth Desmond began to question his wife’s fidelity after she gave birth to a baby in full corpse paint which…
STERLING, N.Y. — Local metalhead Johnathan Riccitiello admittedly received more recognition for serving turkey legs at the local Renaissance Faire than for his time in…
ATLANTA — Local time management specialist Troy Washington played a podcast while he caught up on an entirely different podcast, sources confirmed. “Total timesaver,” said…
Not everyone experiences autonomous sensory meridian response, or ASMR, the tingly brain sensation triggered by everything from whispering and crunching noises to the clacking sounds…
Our commitment to reviewing every album under the sun is unwavering. This week we review the Nails album “Unsilent Death” so you can ignore any…
SUNNYSIDE, N.Y. — 37-year-old former punk Colson Rankford reportedly retired his favorite medium-sized band T-shirt citing newfound maturity and downplaying his slowed-down metabolism, relieved sources…
SAN DIMAS, Calif. — Local delusional man Scott Marin thinks you and he still have a friendship despite you dumping his close friend Rosa Levinson…
Hi, I’m Andrea, 28, and if I’m being honest, I’m only swiping for your dog lol! Take me on an adventure! I love to explore…