So you got a notification that someone looked at your LinkedIn profile. That’s weird since you hardly use the site. However, it wasn’t a potential employer or a headhunter. It was your first love, your prom date, and the person you thought you were going to spend the rest of your life with when you were seventeen. You haven’t spoken or even friended one another on other social media. What could their reasoning possibly be for looking at your resume?! Here are 57 possibilities for you to dwell on instead of sleeping tonight.
1. It was an accident.
2. Their marriage is on the rocks.
3. They are pining for better times.
4. Absolutely nothing.
5. They plan to apply to the company you work at.
6. It is actually their spouse snooping.
7. They desperately want you back.
8. They are looking at the life they could have had.
9. They are correctly assuming they dodged a bullet.
10. Gathering information for an upcoming reunion.
11. They are messing with your head… again.
12. Friend/family member needs a rebound fling.
13. Seeing how much you have aged.
14. Checking to see if that paralegal degree paid off.
15. They are dying.
16. Seeing if they can sell you a timeshare.
17. Trying to suss out if you are in a relationship.
18. Trying to suss out if you are in a relationship with Jesus Christ.
19. Newly single.
20. Seven year itch.
21. In need of a job reference.
22. Their identity was stolen.
23. Going to steal your identity.
24. Needs bail money for current partner.
25. Wondering if you still have their DVD of Empire Records.
26. Cat got on their keyboard.
27. Going to tell you their mom died, she always liked you.
28. Needs help with a computer issue.
29. Bored on the toilet.
30. Meant to click on another person with similar name.
31. Wants you back.
32. Thought they blocked you years ago.
33. Wondering if you got your act together.
34. Drunk and thinks they are on Facebook.
35. Trying to connect with your more successful friends.
36. Wondering why you looked at their profile first.
37. Is polyamorous now.
38. Stuck in an escape room and needs your esoteric knowledge of shortwave radio signals.
39. Laughing at what a mistake they made while at a party and all of their friends are laughing at you too.
40. Phone was stolen.
41. Is in a ‘Taken’ scenario: you are the only one they are able to contact and they desperately need your help before they are disappeared.
42. Needs your matching blood type for an urgent transfusion.
43. Writing their memoirs.
44. Has amnesia and is trying to trigger their memory.
45. Planning on moving to Portland and is checking to make sure you don’t live there.
46. Seeing if you still work at Outback Steakhouse.
47. Is infested with an alien virus and is seeking a new host body.
48. Needs a date to their cousin’s wedding.
49. Is on Step 8 of the 12-Step Program.
50. Just hoping to find someone whose life is even worse than theirs.
51. Looking to make their new partner jealous.
52. Thought of you while watching Monster: The Jeffrey Dahmer Story.
53. Their friend did it as a gag.
54. Seasonal affective disorder.
55. Needed an updated photograph of you for the police.
56. Thumb slipped.
57. Its fate.
Ultimately though, no matter the reason, this is going to be your obsession for the next few weeks.