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Deluxe Box Set Features Over 40 Unreleased and Completely Unlistenable Live and Demo Tracks

LOS ANGELES — Indie rock legends Theory of Judah released a new deluxe box set that features terribly recorded and half-baked versions of all of their classic songs, confirmed label representatives.

“This one is for the die hard fans out there. We have been sitting on these recordings for a long time, and we never thought they would see the light of day,” said frontman and principal songwriter Anthony Porter-Lamply. “We included a bunch of demo tracks that were recorded in my basement in the ‘90s where it sounds like we are playing underwater, and there is also an infamous live recording where some wires got crossed and you can hear the sound guy complaining about us the entire set. He calls us a lot of nasty names, you need to buy the box set to hear it.”

Fans were initially excited about the prospect of a new box set, but were disappointed when realizing what it would include.

“I was hoping this would be a reissue of their first four albums that have been out of print for 30 years, but instead it’s basically the equivalent of musical garbage they scraped off the bottom of a trash can,” said longtime supporter Anya Helig. “This isn’t the first time Theory of Judah has let me down. Back in 2008 I bought a four-disc DVD that was supposed to document a coast-to-coast tour, but there were like eight minutes of them playing on stage and about 64 hours of them sitting in various green rooms talking about their favorite episodes of ‘Frasier.’”

Executives at Theory of Judah’s record label are anticipating a lot of positive buzz around the release.

“There is no easier way to cash in than to release another ‘collector’s item’ for all the rubes out there dumb enough to throw $140 at us. I’ve personally listened to every song in this box set and I can say with confidence that each and every second of it is a waste of time,” said Tricapital Record CEO Les Wilshire. “But here is what we are going to do, we press it on clear green vinyl. Claim it’s limited edition even though we are going to print thousands of them, and then I’ll count my cash on my new yacht while I’m off the coast of Sardinia. It works every time.”

The new box set will also be packaged with a 72-page booklet featuring copies of tour van rental agreements and hotel room receipts.