The greatest innovations in the world are seldom gradual. They surprise us. Even shock us. Well, I harnessed the power to control my active diarrhea…
So you think you’re ready to take your guitar skills to the next level? You’ve mastered Earth Angel and Free Falling so now you’ve decided…
The world is changing, and with that change, society is reevaluating historical figures in a new light. Now, we all know Abraham Lincoln did some…
Jesus, that was a close one. I got that roller coaster feeling in my stomach for a second. You know that feeling when you’re driving…
First things fucking first. Who the hell do you think you are talking to? Airing your grievances about me straight to my fucking face at…
Does the My Chemical Romance singer think I’m stupid? He clearly must think I’m a big fucking joke if he assumes I’m dumb enough to…
I am constantly thinking about what sort of outlandishness the liberals will force upon us next. What else will their Godless minds twist and contort…
Okay, let’s just access the situation here. I’ve had thirty beers, I do not know where my license is, this car has no functioning lights……
Each year, one holiday brings everybody back to their hometown as families gather to eat, drink, and hide their resentment towards one another through phony…
Halloween is fucking poser shit and it’s about time somebody said it. We go around acting like it’s the scariest day of the year when…
Dear poor Republican voters. Are you stupid or something? I’m only asking because you keep voting against your interests. Did you know that the politicians…
There is a specter haunting Halloween — the specter of communism. My name is Toby Masterson. I am 12 years old. You don’t know me,…
Alright, listen. I’m sick of dealing with this over and over again, so I’m setting the record straight for good right now. Every couple of…
I believe that public safety is important, but between the “Warning: Correctional Facility in Area” signs, the creepy weirdo who told us “This town is…
Listen, we both know there’s a…distance between us. I’ve felt it, and I’m sure you have too. We’re growing further apart every moment and we…