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Please Stop Asking Me About Jimi Hendrix, I’m Just a Guy Wearing a Headband

Woah! What’s with the impromptu music quiz? I’m just minding my own business yet you feel comfortable to come up to me, a stranger, and start talking about Jimi Hendrix. I barely know any of his music! I hate to break it to you but I’m not some Jimi Hendrix superfan. I’m just a guy wearing a headband.

Look, I’m just like any regular Joe. I wake up and put on my purple velvet bell-bottoms and black Chelsea boots one leg at a time, just like the rest of you. I’m a normal guy yet someone always comes up to me and asks, “Hey, do you fuck with The Experience?” To which I consistently answer, “I’ve never seen the Jimi Hendrix Star Spangled Banner Woodstock Performance of 1969 where he symbolically used guitar sounds to recreate bombs dropping. Absolutely, no idea who or what you’re talking about, asshole.”

It happens every day. I can’t stand it. Most of the time I just turn around and walk away. However, when I walk away, I usually whip them with all the fringes from my shirt. It’s embarrassing.

The worst is when I’m tripping on acid. Usually in the morning, I’ll hide a few tabs under my headband and it usually kicks in after I sweat a little bit. But then someone whose face is imploding on itself will come up to me and be like, “That’s a cool Fender Stratocaster you have on your back.” And then I’ll reluctantly play it left-handed. So annoying!

The headband life can be rough but as my favorite artist, Bob Dylan would say, “There must be some way out of here.” Which, to me, means there will always be a light at the end of the tunnel. I will know peace.