BUCHAREST, Romania — Law enforcement officers detaining controversial online influencer, misogynist, and sex trafficker Andrew Tate reportedly keep whispering “big fan” every time they walk…
PRINCETON, N.J. – Researchers at Princeton University concluded a nearly decade-long project which yielded inconclusive results regarding whether your long-time friend Charlotte Palmerro actually likes…
NASHUA, N.H. — Local punk Andreas Howell expressed dismay that his best days were behind him and lamented the fact he may have peaked during…
LOS GATOS, Calif. — Netflix producers are banging their heads in frustration regarding producer Tim Burton’s insistence that Johnny Depp should have gotten the lead…
ASTORIA, Ore. — Local PR account manager Madison Auerbach decided there is more value in referring to people as “unhoused” in her private conversations than…
FORT WAYNE, Ind. — Aging punk Mack “Sulfur” Hersch recalibrated his life’s mission from disrupting the effectiveness of the federal government to terrorizing his new…
GRASS VALLEY, Calif. — Local bar The Blasthole is reportedly taking a stand against woke culture by maintaining strictly gendered bathrooms at all times that…
CHICAGO — Local Guitar Center employee Bridget Wolf carefully cut a fresh guitar strap from a rotating spit before serving it to an eager customer…
BREMERTON, Wash. — A local goth family left out the traditional offering of a full glass of hamster blood and a sacrificed lamb for folklore…
SYRACUSE, N.Y. — Die-hard calendar enthusiast John Beltran hoped the thin, square present under the Christmas Tree at his parent’s house isn’t actually a lame,…
LONDON, Ky. — The Ghost of Christmas Past is reportedly “super stoked” to show infamous miser Ebenezer Scrooge how legit dope the local scene used…
SAN FRANCISCO — Local punk John Adler is one of the unlucky few who will be leaving his comfortable life with seven roommates in a…
AUSTIN, Texas — Local punk house The Meat Mansion hired the small market attached to the gas station at the end of the street to…
AUBURN, N.Y. – Local dad Walter Morris reportedly interrupted his family’s annual viewing of “It’s a Wonderful Life” to inform them that Hunter Biden’s laptop…
ARMONK, N.Y. — An ordinary snowman who came to life through magic recently was revealed to be one of those insufferable “top hat guys” you…