PALO ALTO, Calif. — A hot new startup company just launched a revolutionary weather app for aging punks that lets you know if it’s cold…
PORTLAND, Ore. —Sneakerheads around the country are celebrating after Adidas announced that they’ll be liquidating their stocks of remaining Yeezy shoes to make room for…
MORGANTOWN, W. Va. — Local dad and all-around asshole Bert Smilovic failed to understand criticism of his storytelling techniques which involve reducing all people to…
LOS ANGELES – 26-year-old punk Max Goldstein unfortunately sustained an injury in a mosh pit immediately after being kicked off his parents’ insurance plan, concerned…
FREMONT, Calif — Neuralink owner Elon Musk announced Neuralink Premium which will allow anyone using his implantable brain–computer interfaces to maintain basic bodily functions for…
KERFUFFLEVILLE — Bozo, a punk mouse living in the fictional children’s book town of Kerfuffleville, has reportedly taken up residence in a Marlboro Red carton,…
LOS ANGELES — The Los Angeles Police Department announced that in response to requests from the public they are now allocating $50,000 of their budget…
HANSON, Mass. — Local man Ryan Cook reportedly spent his entire 40th birthday reassuring himself he’s not that old, despite calling himself geriatric 10 years…
WASHINGTON — President Joe Biden unveiled his new 2024 campaign slogan which promises voters he will die in office soon after being elected, DNC officials…
NEW LONDON, Conn. — A local family is torn over whether to memorialize their late daughter with a podcast or a Netflix special that will…
BOSTON — Local man Scotty Donovan, the former vocalist of semi-popular Boston Hardcore band Winter Hill, is thriving at his new career as the cop…
SAN FRANCISCO — A new campaign of directly targeted Hims ads on television and streaming platforms are calling out multiple bald or sexually inadequate men…
NEW YORK — Comedy Central announced that Jon Stewart is returning to host “The Daily Show” on Mondays citing what he believes to be “A…
FAIRFAX, Va. — Local sixth-grader Kenny Jenkins suddenly took up vaping in hopes of charming his older brother’s sex robot, sources close to the modern-day…
Alright, look, so the last month has been really difficult, okay. We got behind on some projects. We had couples therapy to miss. We had…