LOS ANGELES — Perpetually unemployed boyfriend Liam Womack announced yesterday that he will cease failing to author novels to pursue procrastinating on writing screenplays, apprehensive…
Now that we have some distance from the launch of Hannah Gadsby’s groundbreaking special Nanette, I decided it’s time to mine for deeper meaning of…
Great news for everyone here at our anarchist co-op! Folk punk legend and singer of “Scuzzy Steve and the Trash Panda Express,” Steve Termini, has…
CHICAGO — Local record collector Toni Joyce organized her extensive vinyl collection yesterday by whatever basic life necessity the money spent on the record should…
Aries (March 21 – April 19) There’s no faster way to an Aries’ heart than a well-timed compliment. You know it, and, unfortunately, so does…
CLEVELAND — Local child Dixie “Shortcake” Ross was utterly bewildered this week when her first day of kindergarten revealed a world unlike anything she’s ever…
ALLEN, Texas. — Annette Martin is allegedly tired of her husband’s foray into live music as a band-aid for his mid-life crisis, telling friends she…
DAVIS, Calif. — Guitarist of Native Weeds, lifelong fan of Woody Guthrie, and avowed anti-fascist Benjamin Spelling showed his displeasure last night at the presence…
Are you kidding me?! You’re gonna boycott Nike because they ran an ad starring a football player who was peacefully protesting systemic racism? How dare…
OAKLAND, Calif. — Recent trust-fund recipient and part-time blogger Nick Headon reportedly smirked yesterday while vigorously typing on his brand new MacBook Pro at Merritt…
LOS ANGELES — Singer/songwriter and self-proclaimed “antichrist” Marilyn Manson is in stable condition today recovering from spinal removal surgery that will enable him to lick…
BALTIMORE — Local punk Rick Blairowitz blamed his prominent neck tattoo for his inability to be hired, despite it being the only positive trait noted…
POMPANO BEACH, Fla. — The 11th Circuit Court of Appeals ruled today that a Sublime sticker on the back of a local man’s 1995 Nissan…
Aries (March 21 – April 19) Aries, you can expect a much-needed break this week, when a months-long argument over who’s more punk finally reaches…