SANTA FE, N.M.— Bantam Books editor Krista Lowell is reportedly very excited to receive at least one new page of George R.R. Martin’s highly anticipated…
SACRAMENTO, Calif. — A grocery store cashier and shopper wordlessly agreed moments ago to re-negotiate an overcharge on bulk beans after the Coronavirus pandemic has…
NEWPORT BEACH, Calif. — A $1 billion small business loan was reportedly given to the famous Bluth Family Banana Stand as part of the recently…
ST. Paul, Minn. — A Skype call between local patient Aito Jeffers and his long-time therapist Dr. Thomas Bernard offered a disappointing look into the…
ELGIN, Ill. — Local graphic designer Oliver Boone sat in his parked car for approximately 10 hours yesterday, catching up on the podcasts he usually…
SCOTTISH HIGHLANDS — Professors at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft admit they’re struggling with teaching students remotely via Zoom several months into a devastating outbreak of…
WASHINGTON — The new viral bombshell “Plandemic” has revealed a simple, shocking truth: that all of your friends are dribbling, incognizant fucking morons who are…
Opinion: Stop Calling Me a Hypochondriac, You Have No Idea What It’s Like to Live With Every Illness
I’m so sick of everyone calling me a hypochondriac. It puts excess strain on my life and makes me doubt myself, which is not something…
SEATTLE — A new model from the Institute for Health Metrics and Evaluation at the University of Washington shows that the patience of local woman…
KALAMAZOO, Mich. — Margery Watson’s annual Mother’s Day breakfast-in-bed was obstructed by her unsightly ventilator due to complications from an advanced case of COVID-19, depressed…
SPANISH FORT, Ala. — Millennial Thomas Cervantes proudly stated today that he’s old enough to remember when MTV still played “Room Raiders” and other reality…
DES MOINES, Iowa — Local Klan member and conservative activist David Mount has changed his views on wearing masks in public following recent stay-at-home orders…
DULUTH, Minn. — Local couple Alice Parker and Shaun McCoy announced the reunification of their relationship today, after having already broken up and reconciled twice…
NEW YORK — NBA commissioner Adam Silver is using the league’s ongoing suspension due to COVID-19 to finally add “no dogs” to the official rulebook,…