PARAMUS, N.J. — Residents of local punk house “The Crows Nest” recently undertook a harrowing, coming-of-age adventure as they attempted to locate their house’s fuse…
LONDON — Upper-level managers at a clandestine facility specializing in removing blood from young children and pumping it into Queen Elizabeth II to keep her…
ROME, N.Y. — Upstate New York officials unveiled the first of many signs commemorating over two-decades of keeping the region Woodstock-free at a solemn ceremony…
MANCHESTER, N.H. — Amateur musician Erik Mulvaney is so depressed that he frequently sits at his synthesizer and presses keys and buttons without ever powering…
NEW YORK — Beloved labrador retriever Sergeant Slobbermouth returned home “rejuvenated and grounded” six months after parents Jill and Malcolm Chesterton informed their children that…
BROOKLYN, N.Y. — 29-year-old Leslie Andrews was overcome with joy knowing she was able to half-celebrate Labor Day by only having to work 3 out…
ATLANTA – Viewers of the new Netflix show “Instant Dream Home” are complaining en masse about the show creating unrealistic expectations that contractors will ever…
LOS ANGELES – Nefarious rockstars Kid Rock, Ted Nugent, Marilyn Manson, and Gene Simmons combined forces to become the world’s preeminent supervillain group, suspicious sources…
CHICAGO — Local beer connoisseur Evan Ramirez recently made the startling discovery that his new favorite craft beer transmutes directly to expensive, fancy piss, sources…
AUSTIN,Texas. —Beloved holiday superstore Spirit Halloween quickly moved into the vacant spot where InfoWars once stood after Alex Jones was forced out due to financial…
SEATTLE – Members of the seminal and often troubled emo band Grass Is Greener are reportedly getting back together after hearing what similar bands are…
LOS ANGELES — Self-proclaimed singer-songwriter Otto LaMont stated he was done pursuing his secondary dreams of being a musician and that it’s high time he…
BALTIMORE — Local man Clyde Harris showed great restraint when he gently and thoughtfully relocated the Line 6 Spider that scared his girlfriend to the…
HENNEPIN COUNTY, Minn. — The largely unsupervised Peanuts gang has finally called Child Protective Services on the parents of their unhygienic and destitute classmate Pigpen.…
LOS ANGELES — Local mother Donna Haim urged the three members of her daughters’ band HAIM to take their little brother with them on tour…