Culture Archives - Page 420

Democratic Party Finally Defeats Left-Wing Politics

Kaitlyn Jeffers • April 8, 2020

WASHINGTON — The Democratic Party celebrated another milestone today in their continued effort to suppress left-wing politics following Bernie Sanders’…

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Country Practices Socialism Distancing

Shea Strauss • April 8, 2020

WASHINGTON — Senator Bernie Sanders suspended his presidential campaign earlier today in what can only be described as a national…

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Jello Biafra Sells 45-Minute Long, Politically Charged Birthday Wish Video on Cameo

Claire Brown • April 8, 2020

HERNDON, Va. — Local woman Melissa Chang was upset today by a 45-minute long, politically charged birthday wish video from…

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band shirt, live stream, metal, hardcore

Guy Can’t Decide Which Shirt to Wear While Watching Band’s Instagram Live Stream

James Webster • April 8, 2020

Austin, Texas — Local punk Michael Russell struggled yesterday to pick a T-shirt to wear while watching the Instagram live…

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How to Use Cyberbullying to Overcome Social Distancing

Shea Strauss • April 7, 2020

While isolating during the pandemic, it's understandable to feel disconnected from other people. TO keep an air of normalcy, we…

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Exhausted Cashier Eager to Return to Only Being Treated Like Subhuman Garbage at Work

Krissy Howard • April 7, 2020

ST. LOUIS — Exhausted grocery store cashier Adina Decker is anxiously awaiting the day the coronavirus panic-buying subsides and she…

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Tinder Guy’s 6 Feet of Social Distancing More Like 5 Feet 6 Inches

Louie Aronowitz • April 7, 2020

DORAVILLE, Ga. — Local Tinder user Brad Irwin claimed in his dating app bio to keep a minimum six feet…

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sex, premature ejaculation, netflix and chill, dissapointing

10 Minute Show Format Makes “Quibi & Chill” the Hot New Trend Among Premature Ejaculators

Daniel Menegaz • April 6, 2020

SANTA MONICA, Calif. — Short-form mobile video platform Quibi has proven exceedingly popular among premature ejaculators thanks to its 10-minute…

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Guy Scratches “Call Grandma” Off of To-Do List

Jimmy Adamson • April 6, 2020

AVENTURA, Fla. — Local man Benjamin Eads tearfully crossed off “call Grandma” from his to-do list today after the COVID-19…

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'80s metal, bikini, social distancing, music video

CDC Retroactively Bans Groups of 10 or More Bikini-Clad Women in Same ’80s Metal Video

Henrik Persson • April 6, 2020

ATLANTA — The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention introduced new guidelines today to help quell the spread of COVID-19…

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