Culture Archives - Page 422

Graham Isador • March 10, 2020

Last week my landlord informed me they're raising the rent by 600 dollars. Even when you account for my monthly…

James Knapp • March 10, 2020

KENT, Conn. — Local shoplifter and psychological mastermind Wendy “Sticky Fingers” Hartley reportedly bought a 35-cent pack of Big Red…

The Hard Times Staff • March 9, 2020

OAKLAND, Calif. — Local punk Eddy “Rotgut” Lewiston made a panicked phone call to his parents to make sure his…

Patrick Coyne • March 9, 2020

DENVER — A controversial new study conducted by “a gaggle of lame-ass dorks with like, basically two followers or whatever”…

Patrick Coyne • March 9, 2020

SALT LAKE CITY — Relatively tidy local woman Aaliyah Thomson is allegedly debating which side of her horrendously stained and…

Mark Hassenfratz • March 9, 2020

NEW YORK — Local punk Johnny Tolbert’s extensive record of good deeds and “random acts of kindness” are all simply…

Chuck Kowalski • March 8, 2020

TOLEDO, Ohio — A local punk church celebrated the addition of a new stained glass window today, commemorating the ultimate…

James Knapp • March 8, 2020

CLEVELAND — Involuntarily celibate churchgoer Donald Bates resolved today that, in observance of Lent, he will abstain from all sexual…

Noah Leavy • March 7, 2020

OSLO, Norway — Local black metal frontman “Iscariot” allegedly saw nothing but his own shallow reflection in a Rorschach test…

Taylor Roebuck • March 7, 2020

DETROIT — Local woman and anxiety-haver Amanda Hamilton was spotted yesterday weighing all possible options for her evening plans before…

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