Culture Archives - Page 424

Open Relationships Closed Indefinitely

Nick Ortolani • March 29, 2020

LOS ANGELES — Ethically non-monogamous couples around the world announced today that open relationships will be closed indefinitely to help…

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Guy Fieri Stuck In Flavortown Until Quarantine Lifted

Rob Walker • March 29, 2020

FLAVORTOWN — Celebrity chef and T.V. personality Guy Fieri was placed under unexpected quarantine due to the coronavirus after arriving…

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Donald Glover Quietly Releases Coronavirus Vaccine at 4 a.m. Before Deleting It

Jeremy Kaplowitz • March 28, 2020

ATLANTA — Musician, comedian, and actor Donald Glover released a vaccine he created for COVID-19 on his website donaldpresentsthecure.com at…

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Woman Reminds Everyone She Too Is Masturbating Excessively to Pass Time

James Knapp • March 28, 2020

BOSTON — Local woman Farrah Johanson assured anyone who would listen yet again today that she is masturbating just as…

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Report: 78% of American Corporations Living Stimulus to Stimulus

Zach Russell • March 28, 2020

WASHINGTON — The U.S. Department of Commerce issued a concerning report this morning, finding that 78% of American corporations are…

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pop-punk, frontman, young, girl, girlfriend, COVID-19

Careless Girlfriend Endangers Older, Compromised Immune System of Pop-Punk Frontman Boyfriend

John Danek • March 27, 2020

PLAINVIEW, N.Y. — 16-year-old Misty Lebowitz carelessly endangered her much, much older and immunocompromised pop-punk singer boyfriend Scotty McDickers yesterday…

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5 Places City Officials Made More Punk Rock

Kevin Tit • March 27, 2020

"I LOVE LIVIN’ IN THE CITY!" Hell yeah. "FEAR" said it best in their comedy sketch on Saturday Night Live…

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midwest, midwestern, new york, radio city

Wide-Eyed Midwest Girl Getting Off Bus at Radio City Tackled By National Guard

Aidan Sears • March 27, 2020

NEW YORK — National Guard Troops apprehended Iowa native and big-hearted dreamer Elieen Denham yesterday, dive-tackling her in front of…

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Audience Shocked after “Masked Singer” Revealed to be Former Federal Reserve Chairman Alan Greenspan

Patrick Coyne • March 26, 2020

LOS ANGELES — “The Masked Singer” fans were shocked last night when the sassy, playful, incognito contestant Mr. Monster was…

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Los Angeles Resident Spends Quarantine Masturbating to Google Maps Traffic View of 405 and 101

John Danek • March 26, 2020

LOS ANGELES — Quarantined Los Angelino Freddy Garcia has spent a majority of his COVID-19 isolation time pleasuring himself to…

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