Culture Archives - Page 419

Guy Proud to Not Own TV Looks Real Fucking Stupid Now

Nick Ortolani • April 9, 2020

PORTLAND, Ore. — Local man Wendell Slacks, who has consistently boasted throughout the years about how proud he is to…

bernie, sanders, bandamp, bernie sanders

Bernie to Put Unsold President 2020 Merch for Sale on Bandcamp

Gary Doyle • April 8, 2020

BURLINGTON, Vt. — Presidential hopeful Bernie Sanders announced today that he will put all of his unsold merchandise for sale…

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Democratic Party Finally Defeats Left-Wing Politics

Kaitlyn Jeffers • April 8, 2020

WASHINGTON — The Democratic Party celebrated another milestone today in their continued effort to suppress left-wing politics following Bernie Sanders’…

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Country Practices Socialism Distancing

Shea Strauss • April 8, 2020

WASHINGTON — Senator Bernie Sanders suspended his presidential campaign earlier today in what can only be described as a national…

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Jello Biafra Sells 45-Minute Long, Politically Charged Birthday Wish Video on Cameo

Claire Brown • April 8, 2020

HERNDON, Va. — Local woman Melissa Chang was upset today by a 45-minute long, politically charged birthday wish video from…

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band shirt, live stream, metal, hardcore

Guy Can’t Decide Which Shirt to Wear While Watching Band’s Instagram Live Stream

James Webster • April 8, 2020

Austin, Texas — Local punk Michael Russell struggled yesterday to pick a T-shirt to wear while watching the Instagram live…

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How to Use Cyberbullying to Overcome Social Distancing

Shea Strauss • April 7, 2020

While isolating during the pandemic, it's understandable to feel disconnected from other people. TO keep an air of normalcy, we…

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Exhausted Cashier Eager to Return to Only Being Treated Like Subhuman Garbage at Work

Krissy Howard • April 7, 2020

ST. LOUIS — Exhausted grocery store cashier Adina Decker is anxiously awaiting the day the coronavirus panic-buying subsides and she…

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Tinder Guy’s 6 Feet of Social Distancing More Like 5 Feet 6 Inches

Louie Aronowitz • April 7, 2020

DORAVILLE, Ga. — Local Tinder user Brad Irwin claimed in his dating app bio to keep a minimum six feet…

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sex, premature ejaculation, netflix and chill, dissapointing

10 Minute Show Format Makes “Quibi & Chill” the Hot New Trend Among Premature Ejaculators

Daniel Menegaz • April 6, 2020

SANTA MONICA, Calif. — Short-form mobile video platform Quibi has proven exceedingly popular among premature ejaculators thanks to its 10-minute…

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