John Danek, Author at HARDTIMES

November 24, 2020

There was once a man who dreamed of a more perfect humanity, a day when everyone would be considered equally…

November 16, 2020

SACRAMENTO — The citizens of California overwhelmingly voted this month to ban acoustic guitarists from rhythmically slapping the low E…

November 14, 2020

DAYTON, Ohio — Local guitarist Max Gordon’s revealed today that her attempt to sell her old guitar amplifier has already…

November 13, 2020

Well, well, well. So you stroll into this here guitar shop on a Friday and have the audacity to ask…

November 6, 2020

GENEVA — Scientists at the European Organization for Nuclear Research discovered yesterday that Iron Maiden’s 8:46-long “Brighter Than a Thousand…

November 4, 2020

WASHINGTON — The United States of America utterly failed in its shame-filled attempts today to obscure its bulging, prominent Presidential…

October 26, 2020

BAYAMÓN, Puerto Rico — At the Drive-In and The Mars Volta guitarist Omar Rodríguez-López created and released an entire 49-minute…

October 25, 2020

DES MOINES, Iowa — Local Lowe’s manager Darrell Winchester removed Slipknot percussionist Shawn “Clown” Crahan from the store again last…

October 19, 2020

PEORIA, Ill. — Friends of Shaun Conner were disappointed but unsurprised as he continually raised the defense stat of his…

October 17, 2020

NEW YORK — Overly-confident 24-year-old Matt Baxter convinced himself today that he could hoist a new, king-sized mattress to his…