MONTREAL — Manufacturers of online AI-driven mastering software LANDR announced a new feature today that politely declines a band’s inevitable invitation to the release party…
Virtuoso. Iconoclast. Visionary. Ska pioneer. These are just some of the terms used to describe legendary jazz/ska trumpeter Miles Davis. He never once confined himself…
STANFORD, Calif. — Researchers at Stanford University’s Department of Biochemistry have developed a new drug test that simply checks a user’s Spotify playlists for the…
VIENNA – Local punk, former drummer, and current Vienna Philharmonic timpanist Griffin “Scuzz” Boyle removed his shirt minutes into his performance last night at the…
MACON, Ga. — Pro-life activist Kevin Hudson completed paperwork today to change his legal birthday to nine months earlier than it was, to the date…
NEW YORK — Indimus rockimus bards Titus Andronicus doth declarimus the approaching releasimus of an albumimus christened An Obelisk, according to a decree bestowed by…
I see the way you look at me when I pull up at the red light, blasting “Fucking Hostile” off of Vulgar Display of motherfuckin’…
WASHINGTON — Drummer Cory Adonis of sludge metal band Casket Fissure accidentally opened the biblical Seventh Seal yesterday, commencing the end times by hitting his…
Much like Children, fantasy is crucial to the emotional and cognitive development of bassists. They need to constantly expand the limits of their imagination in…
LOS ANGELES — Music teacher and ocarina virtuoso Marissa Harte let out a troubling and defeated sigh upon being asked yet again to teach a…
NEW YORK — A first-edition “Pixelated Bukkake” card from the game Cards Against Humanity sold for a record $6.9 million dollars at auction yesterday, a…
OAK RIDGE, Tenn. — The Doomsday Clock, a graphical representation of humanity’s impending doom, moved forward to 11:59:59 p.m. last week in anticipation of Louis…
“Post-hardcore” is one of those terms that doesn’t really mean anything, like “synergy” or “men’s rights.” But The Hard Times loves the punk subgenre nonetheless,…
Feminism is in a weird place in 2019. It seems like for every step forward, there’s a step back. No one embodies this struggle more…
Hollywood’s Unattainable Beauty Standards Are Damaging to Ugly, Up-and-Coming Serial Killers Like Me
Hollywood’s Unattainable Beauty Standards Are Damaging to Ugly, Up-and-Coming Serial Killers Like Me
It’s hard out here for a serial killer. I have to plan every detail, cover my tracks, choose the perfect victim, and remember to save…