WASHINGTON — Drummer Cory Adonis of sludge metal band Casket Fissure accidentally opened the biblical Seventh Seal yesterday, commencing the end times by hitting his…
Much like Children, fantasy is crucial to the emotional and cognitive development of bassists. They need to constantly expand the limits of their imagination in…
LOS ANGELES — Music teacher and ocarina virtuoso Marissa Harte let out a troubling and defeated sigh upon being asked yet again to teach a…
NEW YORK — A first-edition “Pixelated Bukkake” card from the game Cards Against Humanity sold for a record $6.9 million dollars at auction yesterday, a…
OAK RIDGE, Tenn. — The Doomsday Clock, a graphical representation of humanity’s impending doom, moved forward to 11:59:59 p.m. last week in anticipation of Louis…
“Post-hardcore” is one of those terms that doesn’t really mean anything, like “synergy” or “men’s rights.” But The Hard Times loves the punk subgenre nonetheless,…
Feminism is in a weird place in 2019. It seems like for every step forward, there’s a step back. No one embodies this struggle more…
Hollywood’s Unattainable Beauty Standards Are Damaging to Ugly, Up-and-Coming Serial Killers Like Me
Hollywood’s Unattainable Beauty Standards Are Damaging to Ugly, Up-and-Coming Serial Killers Like Me
It’s hard out here for a serial killer. I have to plan every detail, cover my tracks, choose the perfect victim, and remember to save…
PALLET TOWN, Kanto — World famous Pokémon researcher Professor Samuel Oak has enraged students by not letting them use Bulbapedia for their final exam. “Yet…
BALTIMORE — Local punks are reportedly confused and intrigued by a cryptic show flyer circulating that features an image of Ronald Reagan having sex with…
For years, it seemed like most bands comprised a bunch of straight, white, cisgendered men. Boriiiiiiing! In 2019, we’re starting to break away from that…
LONDON — Legendary Led Zeppelin guitarist Jimmy Page is releasing his “totally original” and “not-at-all stolen” life story this month, entitled Black Mamba Voodoo Jive…
Alternate tunings are a great way to set your song apart from the herd. The Hard Times writing staff contains many former and current musicians…
Back in my day, people valued hard work. I fought tooth and claw to become VP at my father’s coal company at the age of…
So that’s essentially my oral history of Paw Tracks Records. I’m thinking about turning it into a TED Talk or seeing if Huffington Po…. Wait,…