Page 9 – HARDTIMES

May 19, 2023

NEEDLES, Calif. — Frequent patrons of local watering hole The Running Refrigerator are reportedly befuddled over realizing the bar’s ever-playing…

May 4, 2023

OAKLAND, Calif. — Perpetual “lost cause” Kip “The Drip” Dellaher miraculously passed his science and history exams today after simply…

May 3, 2023

PONTIAC, Mich. — Several local college seniors impressed guests by enhancing their party’s epicness with the presence of a barnyard…

April 23, 2023

SEWICKLEY, Pa. — Audience members of last night’s Duck Cruncher show were surprised by an elaborate timeshare presentation instead of…

April 13, 2023

PRINCETON, N.J. — Top scientists from around the nation are reportedly perplexed beyond belief upon discovering that the band Touchstone…

April 11, 2023

Oftentimes, the problem with punk music made by actual PEOPLE is that those people are so rarely puppets, sitcom characters,…

April 3, 2023

MEMPHIS, Tenn. — Former psychobilly luminaries The Rot Hodders were revealed to be accidentally misdiagnosed and will be moving forward…

March 30, 2023

HARTFORD, Conn. — Acclaimed showman Tom Waits reportedly revved up his audience at a rare live gig by shooting off…

March 29, 2023

PEEKSKILL, N.Y — Audience members of last night’s Lurch Haus show were reportedly heard grumbling audibly at headlining band Xeroxer’s…

March 29, 2023

EASTHAMPTON, Mass. — Local music snob Larson Cheek is extremely anxiety-ridden over the fact that nobody has taken anything from…