Aging Rob Halford Hell Bent for Sweatpants
PARADISE VALLEY, Ariz. — A seasoned and fatigued Rob Halford admitted today that after nearly five decades of donning inflexible…
Read More →
Cory Cousins — Page 5
78 stories found
Metalhead Homeowner Installs Denim Carpet
SUGAR LAND, Texas — New homeowner and devoted metalhead Eric Bronson replaced the out-of-date shag carpet in his living room…
Read More →
Pussy-Ass Doctor Wears Mask During Surgery
DALLAS — Patients at Dallas General Hospital learned yesterday that Dr. Graham Alder, one of the facility’s most trusted surgeons,…
Read More →
Pop Punk Frontman Tired of Having to Homeschool Girlfriend
SACRAMENTO, Calif. — 26-year-old pop-punk frontman Derrick Ford hit his breaking point last week while tutoring his 17-year-old girlfriend Madison…
Read More →
Man Who Misused Charitable Funds From Own Foundation for Political Gain, Defrauded Students Through Sham University, Openly Admitted to Sexually Assaulting Women, Accused of Raping Women, Committed Campaign Finance Violations, Tax Fraud, Bank Fraud, Instigated Members of Armed Forces to Attack Political Opponents, Tortured Immigrant Children, Attacked Freedom of Press, Colluded With Foreign Government, Obstructed Justice, Perjured Self, Committed Witness Intimidation, Bribery, and Most Recently Threatened to Murder American Citizens, Hailed as Law and Order President
WASHINGTON — President Trump ironically announced earlier this week that he would be a “law and order” president, despite a…
Read More →
Worst Friend Only Watched First Half of “American History X”
CINCINNATI — Brent Samuels, widely regarded as a terrible friend and questionable person all around, abruptly suspended his viewing last…
Read More →
I Hate Ska Except for When It’s in Every Single Comedy Movie I Loved From the ’90s
We can all agree that ska is the worst, right? I mean it’s just kinda silly. All the off-beat guitar,…
Read More →
We Sat Down with Rob Zombie’s Dad, Jim Zombie
From his work with 90s industrial metal band White Zombie to his movies, even that silly one with the little…
Read More →
Man Who’s Bad at Accepting Compliments Joins Friend’s Band to Avoid Them
LAFAYETTE, La. — Local guitarist and misanthrope Jeremy Waggoner joined his friend’s band Punted Child earlier this month to avoid…
Read More →
Oh Shit: I’m the I.T. Guy With Shaved Head and Goatee Who Listens to Late 90s Industrial Music
Fuck me, really? I mean, I always knew those guys existed. You know the type, blathering on and on about…
Read More →