Patrick Coyne
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First of all, stop being such a pussy, dude. It’s just a handgun. And a glock at that! No one…
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Nathan Kamal
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CHICAGO — A passenger on American Airlines Flight 3077 was reportedly concerned whether he was allowed to lower his mask…
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Laura Merli
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ATLANTA — The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) announced today that Americans who have been surgically attached to…
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Ashley Naftule
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PORTLAND, Ore. — Local strip club The Devil’s Crutch displayed their commitment to public health yesterday by retrofitting their sprinkler…
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Dan Rice
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I’m not saying I don’t take COVID-19 seriously, I do. We all need to do our part and self-isolate or…
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Lauren Lavin
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ATLANTA — In an effort to slow the spread of the novel COVID-19, the Center for Disease Control recommended today…
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Jordan Breeding
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FORT COLLINS, Colo. — Health-conscious punk Stacey “Skaggs” Bellamy will no longer drive her rusted-out cargo van to purchase illicit…
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Brandon Fernweh
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CHICAGO — The Copper Creek Bar music venue announced plans this morning to instill and enforce a strict 12-strike policy…
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ATLANTA — Delta Airlines flight attendant Moses Ray dedicated yesterday’s routine flight to Chicago to “the real mother fuckers in…
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LANSING, Mich. — Local OSHA inspector Gary Branville found an upsettingly high number of blatant safety violations in the latest…
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