ATLANTA — In an effort to slow the spread of the novel COVID-19, the Center for Disease Control recommended today that U.S. citizens dress in…
FORT COLLINS, Colo. — Health-conscious punk Stacey “Skaggs” Bellamy will no longer drive her rusted-out cargo van to purchase illicit substances, but will instead bike…
CHICAGO — The Copper Creek Bar music venue announced plans this morning to instill and enforce a strict 12-strike policy against assault, following their latest…
ATLANTA — Delta Airlines flight attendant Moses Ray dedicated yesterday’s routine flight to Chicago to “the real mother fuckers in coach” during an impassioned pre-flight…
LANSING, Mich. — Local OSHA inspector Gary Branville found an upsettingly high number of blatant safety violations in the latest edition of the popular “Construction…
Edison, New Jersey resident and namby-pamby mama’s boy Jason Saltzman narrowly avoided death Saturday afternoon thanks to the wussy-ass dork-dome his mother ordered him to…
WASHINGTON — The National Highway Traffic Safety Administration will recall over 550,000 units of the popular “COEXIST” bumper sticker due to an ineffective and unsustainable…
AUSTIN, Texas — A group of showgoers were shocked to find one of the bands performing that night left their bassist in a blistering hot van…
CAMBRIDGE, Mass. – Local man Nick Farrington was seen doing the unthinkable at a local hardcore show when, according to eyewitnesses, he entered the venue…
COTUIT, Mass. – Local merchandise legend Marky Merch, well known for encouraging people to purchase larger-sized T-shirts because “they will shrink,” had a near-death experience…