KALAMAZOO, Mich. — Local venue Breezy Steve’s Beer Barn now requires attendees to show proof of showering before they enter the venue, according to sources…
COLUMBIA, Mo. — University of Missouri Freshman and aspiring professional architect Henry Right made the innovative choice while re-doing his dorm room to install a…
First of all, stop being such a pussy, dude. It’s just a handgun. And a glock at that! No one ever is killed by just…
CHICAGO — A passenger on American Airlines Flight 3077 was reportedly concerned whether he was allowed to lower his mask in order to use the…
ATLANTA — The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) announced today that Americans who have been surgically attached to others at the mouth and/or…
PORTLAND, Ore. — Local strip club The Devil’s Crutch displayed their commitment to public health yesterday by retrofitting their sprinkler system with Purell following its…
I’m not saying I don’t take COVID-19 seriously, I do. We all need to do our part and self-isolate or the healthcare system could quickly…
ATLANTA — In an effort to slow the spread of the novel COVID-19, the Center for Disease Control recommended today that U.S. citizens dress in…
FORT COLLINS, Colo. — Health-conscious punk Stacey “Skaggs” Bellamy will no longer drive her rusted-out cargo van to purchase illicit substances, but will instead bike…
CHICAGO — The Copper Creek Bar music venue announced plans this morning to instill and enforce a strict 12-strike policy against assault, following their latest…
ATLANTA — Delta Airlines flight attendant Moses Ray dedicated yesterday’s routine flight to Chicago to “the real mother fuckers in coach” during an impassioned pre-flight…
LANSING, Mich. — Local OSHA inspector Gary Branville found an upsettingly high number of blatant safety violations in the latest edition of the popular “Construction…
Edison, New Jersey resident and namby-pamby mama’s boy Jason Saltzman narrowly avoided death Saturday afternoon thanks to the wussy-ass dork-dome his mother ordered him to…
WASHINGTON — The National Highway Traffic Safety Administration will recall over 550,000 units of the popular “COEXIST” bumper sticker due to an ineffective and unsustainable…
AUSTIN, Texas — A group of showgoers were shocked to find one of the bands performing that night left their bassist in a blistering hot van…