WASHINGTON — The 2024 edition of the classic educational short film series “Schoolhouse Rock!” will contain a song dedicated to teaching children the importance of active shooter drills and what to do during them, several traumatized sources report.
“It’s an honor and a pleasure to be able to write for ‘Schoolhouse Rock!’ series, as well as having the ability to show kids hiding for their lives from a deranged shooter can be cool and exciting,” Alice DeMilton, writer of the song “Run, Hide, Fight, FUN!” explained. “Sure, it’s a bummer that this sort of thing is normal in America today, but it doesn’t need to be a boring topic like conjunctions and such. Kids and parents alike are just going to love it!”
Richard Felix, parent to a middle school student at PS109 Elementary thinks the idea is a step in the right direction on tackling the mass shooting issue.
“Well, I think some sort of legislation would probably help with the completely preventable epidemic of gun violence threatening our nation’s schools, but I suppose using an outdated educational musical program to teach our kids to be safe when a gunman is on the loose will work just as well,” Felix said, adding the program did help him remember the names of all the planets back when he was in school. “I just hope the kids these days will listen and retain the words to music like this, because the people on Capitol Hill surely won’t listen.”
Herman Huntsville, the musician responsible for the revival of the “Schoolhouse Rock!” series, has his sights set on many other issues that face children today.
“We’re well aware that the ‘Schoolhouse’ series was meant to educate kids on things like how government works, the English language, and other important curriculum, but all those things are irrelevant today,” Huntsville stated. “It’s a war out there. Survival is the number one goal of students, and it’s our job to educate kids on how to do just that. For example, our ditty entitled, ‘CTE Ernie’ is about a child forced into sports by his parents and how he adapts to his chronic brain injuries. It’s a subject that many students can relate to these days, but we’re making it easy to understand and more importantly, fun!”
At press time, DeMilton expressed her joy to be able to work on a fun and catchy song surrounding the statistic that 12 children die each day by gun violence in the USA.