COLUMBIA, Mo. — University of Missouri Freshman and aspiring professional architect Henry Right made the innovative choice while re-doing his dorm room to install a load-bearing Tarantino movie poster, according to nervous sources.
“Yeah, I took a look at the structural integrity and the bones of the place and thought it was the right call,” Right said. “I thought this would be the perfect accent piece to match the blacklight mushroom poster, and the three other Tarantino posters in the same room. It perfectly conveys my entire personality and interests, but it’s in the exact location where if you remove it, the building will collapse and crush everyone to death; so I know that no significant others will ever come in here and succeed in its removal.”
Right’s best friend and roommate Gabriel Porter expanded on some of the changes Right made to their room.
“Well, first off we have a very practical design. People think that I like this stupid shit, but it’s just the only thing keeping this worn-down building afloat,” Porter said. “See that ugly psychedelic tapestry? Keeps in the black mold. The awful strip of half-working Christmas lights? Plugging a series of leaks. I know this looks horrible, but it’s the only thing that is keeping the roof from crumbling on top of me while I sleep in my puny, sheetless twin bed.”
University of Missouri Resident Advisor Mitch Saverin commented on the situation.
“As someone who lives in a dorm perpetually, I thank the Lord every time that Tarantino puts a new movie out,” Saverin said. “I’m just a little freaked out about what’s going to happen after his last movie. What if I have an I-Beam fallout and I have no conceivable way to fix it because I already have a ‘Kill Bill’ poster covering the frayed wires near the door? At the very least, when they pull my body from the rubble they’ll see my decor and know that I was an intellectual who appreciated fine cinema.”
At press time, witnesses noticed that the poster in question was a “Fight Club” poster, which wasn’t directed by Tarantino, but upon realizing that correcting Right would mean having to talk to him for even a moment, deemed it too high a price to pay.