Sad Tag Archives - Page 23

Dom Turek • August 10, 2020

CHESAPEAKE, Va. — A local dog was left anxiety-ridden and unable to finish his pile of vomit yesterday after being…

James Knapp • August 9, 2020

CAMDEN, N.J. — A green Bic lighter still hasn’t given up hope that it will one day no longer be…

Jeremy Kaplowitz • August 5, 2020

BLOOMINGTON, Ind. — Experts warned today that listening to the hit Mountain Goats song “This Year” is no longer enough…

Mark Bouchard • July 18, 2020

SALT LAKE CITY — Barista and local punk Miranda Byers is celebrating her additional shift at Baxter’s Garden today with…

Patrick Coyne • July 5, 2020

COLUMBUS, Ohio — Local depressed woman Jane Lively mindlessly broke the hot dog-eating world record yesterday after consuming 76 weiners…

Anya Volz • May 30, 2020

PITTSFORD, Vt. — 28-year-old Alex Solorzano is now in his seventh week of blaming social distancing for his sexual inactivity,…

Patrick Crooks • May 25, 2020

SAN DIEGO — Thanks to the slowdown in day-to-day police activity, local officer Scott Martinson is now committing abuses of…

Sari Beliak • April 29, 2020

GILROY, Calif. — 13-year-old Matthew Staller’s social standing has not improved at all since his middle school closed down last…

John Danek • April 9, 2020

WILLIMANTIC, Conn. — Emo revival favorites The World Is a Beautiful Place & I Am No Longer Afraid to Die…

Jimmy Adamson • April 6, 2020

AVENTURA, Fla. — Local man Benjamin Eads tearfully crossed off “call Grandma” from his to-do list today after the COVID-19…