PORTLAND, Maine. — Music fan Trevor Eastman’s Pandora account is still reeling from the painful, ear-wrenching effects of giving a thumbs-up to a Simple Plan…
TUCSON, Ariz. — Local woman Estelle Gladstone survived another night in her battle with cancer yesterday, therefore completely blowing the perfect memorial tattoo idea her…
PORTLAND, Ore. — Vivid Nightmare frontman Liam Flaherty is unsure whether his 15 years participating in his local hardcore scene served to his benefit or utter…
SAN DIEGO — Local alcoholic Jerry Tatum announced plans to somehow ruin his niece’s wedding later tonight with his drunk and disorderly antics, despite the…
CLEVELAND — Recently signed hardcore band Pain on Fire discovered this afternoon that their recent promotional photoshoot was marred by a pleasant grin from their…
SEATTLE — The dismal sales of a T-shirt featuring an amazing design were blamed on the inclusion of the band name Love Drinking Pee-Pee, potential…
DENVER — Last night’s Sufjan Stevens concert was ruined by two disruptive audience members, whose hushed whispers throughout the show rendered the singer completely inaudible, multiple…
MILWAUKEE — Thomas Hannigan, a 22-year-old with a family history of addiction and psychological disorder, is acting like a “complete baby, chickenshit buzzkill, and probably…
LOS ANGELES — Concertgoers at the Lovecraft Bar experienced complete, crushing disappointment late last night, when they heard potentially awesome metal band Evisceratops play a…
NEWARK, N.J. — Tensions hit an all-time high for a local friend group last night after they unboxed their pizza, revealing it had been completely…
BUFFALO, N.Y. — A monthly slam poetry open mic was ruined late last week by local hardcore musician Russ McGee, who “blatantly disregarded most rules…
CHICAGO — Local DJ Daniel Bokov, a.k.a. Gemstaxx, released a mixtape earlier this week in which he successfully combined a record number of beloved, classic…
AUSTIN, Texas. — Local 13-year-old Tyler Ryan had his Christmas ruined after receiving the most recent Black Flag album “What The…” as a gift. Ryan…
