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Giving Simple Plan Song Thumbs Up Still Hurting Man’s Pandora Station 10 Years Later

PORTLAND, Maine. — Music fan Trevor Eastman’s Pandora account is still reeling from the painful, ear-wrenching effects of giving a thumbs-up to a Simple Plan song 10 years ago, sources affected by the unfortunate endorsement confirmed.

“That day changed my life forever, man,” said Eastman. “I was trolling Facebook on the family computer and listening to my Jawbreaker station. Suddenly, a Simple Plan song comes on — total garbage, right? I was about to skip it, but I found myself tapping my foot and humming along. Before I knew it, my cursor was hovering over the thumbs-up icon and I… I…”

“Please don’t make me say it,” Eastman added, choking back tears.

Following the incident, Pandora incessantly suggested early 2000s pop-punk bands for all of Eastman’s stations: a tragedy that affects his account to this day.

“Do you know how many jobs I’ve lost after forgetting to logout of Pandora at work? Society treats you like garbage when they think you’re some creepy adult man who still listens to the Ataris and the Starting Line,” explained Eastman. “Believe me, I always downvote these songs whenever they come up… but it seemingly only makes it worse. My Pandora is like a multi-headed, pop-punk hydra — I cut off one Good Charlotte, but then a New Found Glory, Yellowcard, and Something Corporate grow back in its place.”

Roommate and friend Geri Girardi lamented that society fails those like Eastman “over a dumb mistake they made when they were young.”

“He was a kid — this just shows you how broken the system is. These days, he listens to some of the most thoughtful and poignant indie rock there is… but nobody seems to give a damn,” said Girardi. “And everyone loves to say, ‘Just delete your account and start over,’ but that’s not practical. He’s got tens of thousands of thumbs-ups in his Pandora: you might as well be asking him to change his name, move to a different state, and start a new life.”

At press time, Eastman was seeing a therapist to manage the debilitating panic attacks he now suffers whenever a Buzzfeed notalgia list mentions the album No Pads, No Helmets…Just Balls.

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