Patrick Coyne
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PORTLAND, Maine. — Local woman Dani Pineda has desperately hidden her humanity from her live-in boyfriend Aaron Adams by not…
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Henrik Persson
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LONG BEACH, N.Y. — Veteran rocker Joan Jett is reportedly no longer in a committed, monogamous relationship with her longtime…
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AUSTIN, Texas — Gov. Greg Abbott signed a new, statewide law today that would mandate each Texan to do their…
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Jimmy Adamson
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WARRENVILLE, Ill. — Local sixth grader Billy Luetzen suffered a crushing embarrassment yesterday after writing “Megadeath” instead of “Megadeth” on…
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Tyler Dark
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OSPREY, Fla. — The Sarasota Friends School was pleased to announce this week that in addition to maintaining its status…
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Dan Kozuh
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SEATTLE — Amy’s Regret, the last known grunge band on the planet, were successfully captured in the wild last week…
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Daniel Menegaz
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NEW YORK — Huge, anthropomorphic canary and “Sesame Street” cast member Big Bird was arrested late last night for loitering…
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Dicky Stock
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PEMBROKE, Mass. — Local Dad and Lowe’s sales associate Brian Weckbacher was “giddy as a schoolboy” yesterday after conversing with…
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Bobby Korec
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DUBLIN, Ireland — My Bloody Valentine guitarist Kevin Shields manually installed a number of superfluous foot pedals to his one-speed…
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Patrick Crooks
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WASHINGTON — President Trump’s approval rating has failed to crack the 40% mark among the last remaining American who managed…
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