Punk Tag Archives - Page 387

Instagram Search History Somehow More Embarrassing Than Porn Search History

Stephen Bell • December 9, 2020

HELL, Mich. — Instagram user and avid pornography viewer Eric Stafford found himself more embarrassed yesterday by his Instagram search…

Read More →

beard, metal, grow, shave, brown hair, fluffy, greasy, gross, razor, white shirt, white guy, dad

Metalhead Dad Too Inexperienced to Teach Son How to Shave

Bobby Korec • December 9, 2020

CLEVELAND — Local metalhead and father Bruce Howardt could not teach his son the simple basics of shaving yesterday due…

Read More →

Report: “ACAB” Includes Friendly Old Crossing Guard, Gus

Patrick Crooks • December 9, 2020

EUGENE, Ore. — Tearful members of the Whiteaker Neighborhood Association determined through contentions debate yesterday that the common protest refrain…

Read More →

Marcy Playground Reveal They Smelled Anal Sex and Candy Corn, Specifically

Bobby Korec • December 9, 2020

MINNEAPOLIS — ‘90s alternative music darlings Marcy Playground revealed yesterday that their hit song “Sex and Candy” was more specifically…

Read More →

Teen Stoner Amazed to Learn That Homosapiens Once Used Fire to Smoke

Billy Patterson • December 8, 2020

TURNERSVILLE, N.J. — Teenage cannabis user Jared Luzinski was astonished to discover yesterday that ancient human beings once used fire…

Read More →

Phoebe Bridgers Releases Touching Cover of Your Grandmother’s Last Words

Johnny Mo • December 8, 2020

LOS ANGELES — Indie powerhouse Phoebe Bridgers surprised fans yesterday by uploading a somber rendition of your grandmother's most private…

Read More →

Cocky Son of a Bitch About to Regret Turning Off GPS Early

Patrick Coyne • December 7, 2020

BROOKINGS, S.D. — Professional carpenter and terrible navigator Trevor Grainger is already beginning to regret allowing his overwhelming hubris to…

Read More →

Quarantined Bear Grylls Cuts Open Mattress to Sleep Inside

Neel Bhakta • December 7, 2020

WREXHAM, U.K. — Increasingly unhinged survivalist and television host Bear Grylls used a serrated, fixed-blade knife yesterday to cut open…

Read More →

darkness, black, light, light, phone, screen, weird, late, night, scary, nervous, nightmare

Serial Killer Sickened By Overmedicated Teens’ Lack of Sex Drive

Lauren Lavin • December 7, 2020

SOUTHBURY, Conn. — Local urban legend The Southbury Slasher could not complete his annual killing spree last week when his…

Read More →

’90s Emo Guy Struggling to Not Use the Word “Emo” to Describe Favorite Band

Ryan Danley • December 7, 2020

DENVER — Local 39-year-old Justin Shaffer is struggling to describe his favorite band without using the often-maligned word “emo” to…

Read More →

Stay Updated on The Latest Punk News