SAN DIEGO — An acquaintance from high school was wondering today if you’d be interested in a really cool opportunity to do some of the graphic design work you do professionally for no monetary compensation, according to an unprompted Facebook message.
“Hey! Looks like you’ve been doing really well in your career the past few years. Remember that time that we made Mrs. Merril cry in 9th grade homeroom? Haha good times,” started the ominous message from fellow high school alum Phil Dobasso, whom you haven’t seen in person since 2008 and only rarely likes your posts on Facebook. “I’m creating a startup to make apps (we don’t really have a specific app idea yet) and we’re going to need some logos and mockups. No money yet, we’re all just doing this for free, but should lead to some really cool stuff later on? Lemme know if you’re down to help out!”
Your best friend, Cathy Miller, who has kept in closer contact with Dobasso over the years, suggested you exercise caution in business deals with old acquaintances.
“That fuckin’ idiot? Don’t even reply to Phil. If our dads weren’t best friends, I wouldn’t ever speak to that goon,” stated Miller, who regrettably hooked up with Debosso once after the Christmas Dance during your junior year. “You don’t owe him shit, and you will literally never see a cent of payment. It’s not worth the stress or effort. Anyways, can you help me update my resume website? It looks like ass.”
Economists advise that providing free labor to old acquaintances, especially those from high school, can be devastating to one’s personal finances and sanity.
“Talented people sometimes feel a sense of obligation to those from their hometown, or even someone they briefly worked with nine years ago, and are willing to help without any compensation so people will think they’re still cool and don’t think they ‘forget where they come from,’ but all that is bullshit,” explained Lara Blythe, an economist at Forbes. “Your time is more valuable than anything, so don’t waste it fulfilling the desires of someone who moved a whopping two suburban blocks away from mommy & daddy, and quite possibly makes more money than you do anyway. These favors will never be profitable, and will affect your bank account more than going to Starbucks three times per week.”
In related news, your sister’s best friend’s younger brother was wondering if he could “pick your brain” over coffee for a few hours about graphic design, assuring you that it will be “his treat.”