Portland’s Poison Idea is a scary band. Terrifying, actually. Not in a silly corpse paint, Hail Satan! way, but more like “Jesus, these guys are…
Pro tip: Mentioning Misery Signals in any metalcore convo is sure to win you some serious points. They’re your favorite metalcore band’s favorite metalcore band.…
Fellas, your secret carnage castle near the coast is drab and SCREAMS, “My wife decorates our nondescript house in the suburbs because I’m trying to…
PORTLAND, Ore. – Local music snob Tyler Milton recently heard a local barred owl and mistook the bird’s hoots for a leak of Bon Iver’s…
PORTLAND, Ore. – Local man Gerald Stephenson delayed his highly publicized departure from social media an extra few minutes to respond to a couple more…
PORTLAND, Ore. — Local crust punk Julian “The Stain” Rainer stunned a group of friends by somehow clogging a perfectly good toilet merely after urinating…
SEATTLE — A six-year-old purple otter pop was granted a new life purpose as a DIY ice pack after a record heat wave hitting the…
PORTLAND, Ore. — Progressive metal band Knight Vision announced they are accepting applications from medieval studies majors for a summer internship offering practical application of…
We took a trip out to one of the most active cities in America right now, Portland. It became too much to sit by and…
PORTLAND, Ore. — Police and federal troops have reportedly abducted enough protesters to upgrade their unmarked vans with a variety of cosmetic skins, according to…
PORTLAND, Ore. — “Mom Walls” and “Dad Walls” barricading themselves in front of local law enforcement and federal agents have now accepted the “Stepdad Wall”…
SANTA MONICA, Calif. — Activision announced that the next game in the Call of Duty franchise, Call of Duty: Uprising, will take place in the…
I know all you libs are sitting home and watching the Lamestream Media right now. You’re seeing these “protestors” get picked off the street by…
This is an American crisis of epic proportions. People, I need help and fast! A force of heavily armed, camo-laden federal agents have swarmed Portland…
Well, this is officially the worst interview we’ve ever done. With Trump sending federal officers to major cities, we thought the edgy thing to do…