Anna Walsh
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ASHEVILLE, N.C. — Local punk Shannon Kildare adheres to a unique, and potentially damaging, meal regimen of a granola bar…
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Heather Cook
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TOKYO — Trash stacking Olympian for Team USA, and resented roommate, Erica Forman qualified for the Tokyo 2020 finals of…
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Ben Friedman
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LANCASTER, Pa. — Longtime “Jackass” fan and father of three, Kyle McGarvin, believes he is finally mature enough to recreate…
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Tiana Miller
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WESTBURY, N.Y. — Multiple despondent mourners confirmed that local punk “Fast” Eddie Gwan recently saved thousands if not more in…
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Cory Cousins
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MADISON, Wis. — An audience at a local coffee house performance art event this past weekend was disappointed when the…
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Ian Yamamoto
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ASTORIA, Ore. — Beginner survivalist Ethan Foster quickly forgot which of the two bodily wastes was sterile, piss or shit,…
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Josh Klasco
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PHILADELPHIA — Shiko Dikaoni fell to pieces after glimpsing their reflection in the mirror in the middle of the night…
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What the hell are you talking about?! My self-care cannot be self-harm. That would be impossible. Nobody cares more about…
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Bobby Korec
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SEATTLE — Overambitious elder millennial Janine Angler was released from the hospital yesterday and is expected to make a full…
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Ian Yamamoto
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MIAMI — First time nude beach goer Simon Lowell made fellow nudists uncomfortable with his obvious anxiety surrounding what to…
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