LODI, N.J. — A highly anticipated Christmas album from punk legends The Misfits consists primarily of songs about Halloween, multiple confused listeners confirmed. The album,…
WASHINGTON — President Donald Trump lashed out today during an early morning Tweet storm, panning left-leaning media outlets across the country over their positive coverage…
TACOMA, Wash — A 9-volt battery was found dead inside a wah-wah pedal last night shortly after noise-rock band Necro Echo entered their rehearsal space,…
WOODLAND, Calif. — Emerson Middle School teacher Erol Raybould inconspicuously cuffed his shirt sleeves this morning in hopes that his American History students would notice…
NEW YORK — VICE staff members were reportedly saddened by the recent closing of celebrated DIY space Huevos Ranch, which will be converted into a…
First things first: this is bullshit. Don’t come at me with your judgmental assumptions. There’s nothing wrong with what I’m doing and I don’t wanna…
DENVER — Local man Chris Wyatt’s first bowel movement at his new office job was completed without incident, the relieved office worker confirmed this morning.…
FLINT, Mich. — Local pit bull James Earl Bones rescued a crust punk yesterday from a no-kill shelter despite the negative stereotypes of aggressive temperament…
GAINESVILLE, Fla. — Local DIY punk veterans the Splatz, who have been doing-it-themselves for nearly two years, now wish somebody else would step in to…
SEATTLE — The dismal sales of a T-shirt featuring an amazing design were blamed on the inclusion of the band name Love Drinking Pee-Pee, potential…
AUSTIN, Texas — All-around nice guy Ken Ludlow has reportedly found himself in another long-term relationship with a woman despite his wanting to “just be…
CLEVELAND — Scene veteran and new father Darnell Tyler set out this week to prove his critics wrong by showing that, despite his new parental…
WASHINGTON — A report released today by a government efficiency watchdog group offered conclusive proof of “absolutely no collusion” between White House staff members, due…
NEW YORK — The Rabinowitzes, a family of New York hardcore Jews, have already finished their Hanukkah celebration this year, tearing through the entire process…
PLYMOUTH, Mass. — Local parent Marsha Douglas still isn’t sure exactly what foods family friend and vegan Carolyn Hansen will eat, sources confirmed earlier today.…