Hardcore Tag Archives - Page 399

First Release by Newly Formed Metal Band Is Statement Apologizing for Racist Remarks

Dan Kozuh • July 24, 2020

CLEVELAND — Recently formed metal band Blood & Soil has forgone music as its first public release, instead issuing formal…

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FBI Agent Praying He Doesn’t Get Assigned to TikTok Unit

Billy Patterson • July 23, 2020

WASHINGTON — FBI Agent Raymond Kesler is desperately hoping to avoid assignment to the Bureau’s newly formed TikTok surveillance unit,…

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B.C. Rich Guitars Expands Business to Pointy, Blood-Soaked Clarinets

John Danek • July 23, 2020

LOS ANGELES — B.C. Rich, a company famous for making electric guitars popular in the heavy metal music scene, will…

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Suspicious Protestor with Mohawk, Lots of Gold Chains Topples Philadelphia’s “Rocky” Statue

Patrick Coyne • July 22, 2020

PHILADELPHIA — An anonymous protestor sporting a distinctive mohawk, dozens of gold chains, and American flag Zubaz pants was spotted…

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Cashier No Longer Considered Hero After 2012 Tweets Resurface

The Hard Times Staff • July 22, 2020

DEDHAM, Mass. — Local Star Market employee Jimmy West will no longer be applauded for his brave commitment to serving…

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Radiohead Picks Wrong Time to Reveal “Kid A” Stands for “Kid Antebellum”

Louie Aronowitz • July 22, 2020

ABINGDON, Oxfordshire, U.K. — Experimental rock band Radiohead revealed today that their seminal album “Kid A” actually stands for “Kid…

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spongebob, yellow, fast-food, pimples, bag, grease

The Next Spongebob? This Gay Man Makes Minimum Wage

Mark Bouchard • July 21, 2020

Spongebob Squarepants.The bubble-blowing, fun-loving, flamboyant sea sponge has been entertaining young children and stoned adults for over 20 years. But…

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Progressive Government of Flavortown Providing Universal Basic Chili Con Carne

Yancy Lee Crawford • July 21, 2020

FLAVORTOWN, Calif. — A quality-of-life ordinance passed by Flavortown’s town council this week will guarantee residents monthly universal chili con…

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Right Wing Man Outside Grocery Store Asking Masked Shoppers to Buy Him Beer

Tom Peters • July 21, 2020

WINSTON-SALEM, N.C. — Disgruntled, maskless consumer Rod Shockley was seen outside a local supermarket yesterday asking customers complying with the…

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Sobbing Eric Trump Chokes Down Seventh Can of Goya Beans

Jordan Breeding • July 20, 2020

WASHINGTON — A broken and sobbing Eric Trump choked down a seventh consecutive can of Goya beans this morning after…

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