NEW YORK — Bartender Chad Gallo reached out to ex-girlfriend Ashley Thomas last Monday with a text reading “U up?” at around 3 p.m., multiple…
CHESTERBROOK, Penn. — The latest album from pop-punk band Cap’n Crush is an “astonishing musical and lyrical progression” and sets up a bold new chapter…
Aries (March 21 – April 19) Not a great week for confrontation, Aries. Yes, you’ll definitely regret dropping $150 on doner kebabs for a bunch…
TAMPA, Fla. — Independent researcher Spencer Griffith uncovered a “bombshell” yesterday in the continuing Stormy Daniels-Donald Trump story, discovering over 80 Stormy Daniels sex tapes…
SALINAS, Calif. — Former Van Halen singer Sammy Hagar has discovered a theoretical, second way to rock, following years of “extensive, rockin’ research,” the noted…
DERRY, Maine — Local punk Liberty Van Zandt is running out of blank skin for commemorating her dead pets, and is expected to be fully…
MINNEAPOLIS — A 1986 Ford Econoline van baffled onlookers and scientists alike last night after somehow inhabiting two separate parking spaces at precisely the same…
CHICAGO — The Copper Creek Bar music venue announced plans this morning to instill and enforce a strict 12-strike policy against assault, following their latest…
MEMPHIS, Tenn. — Rockabilly bassist Ralph Wadley landed the first ever kickflip with a stand-up bass last night while playing with Corvette Jonny and His…
SEATTLE — Friar Radcliffe drummer Daniel McCleary was allegedly annoyed late last night by the persistent bashing of his floor tom by frontman Jeffrey Wilderman…
SEATTLE — Local dog and apparent vegan Noodles reportedly remains unaware of the dietary restrictions forced upon her by her well-meaning owner, confused sources report.…
Aries (March 21-April 19) Aries is known as the most adventurous of all the zodiac. While your bravery and risky behavior is applauded by some,…
HILO, Hawaii — A recent string of attacks on tourists attending DIY punk shows in various parts of Hawaii has been linked to a brutal…
IRVINE, Calif. — Youth pastor Doug McCabe casually mentioned yesterday that he had a friend who was “a real punk rocker, and his name is…
DALLAS — Local punk and father of three Andrew Semple reportedly allowed his underage son Andy, Jr. the privilege of sharing “just one” huff of…