BALTIMORE — Influential powerviolence band ElevenTimesElevenCrimes announced today that expensive car repairs, alimony payments, and a misguided Playstation 4 purchase has made them collectively broke…
OMAHA, Neb. — Local basement party host and neurotic mess Eloise Krantz destroyed everything in her path Saturday night while trying to fix her broken…
CHICAGO — Singer-songwriter Kyla Bernhardt learned today just how much her fans have failed to successfully parse the artistic intent behind her songs and many…
DENVER — Local woman Stephanie Robbins admitted today she now wishes she hadn’t already used the “deadly pandemic” excuse to get out of last year’s…
WEYMOUTH, Mass. — The guest list of an annual Friendsgiving celebration, truncated this year due to COVID-19 mandates, has shown excluded members their exact status…
ROSEDALE, Miss. — Local punk Kerry Gagne is stuck with several loads of unwashed laundry that she was planning to wash at her parents’ home…
DALEVILLE, Va. — Local metal fan Cliff Gallaway mistakenly drank an entire bottle of high-end shampoo in the shower this morning instead of the Coors…
PHILADELPHIA — Recent transplant Eric Bromley’s ill-fated attempt to meet new people outside of a punk show escalated into a full-blown fist fight within minutes,…
VOORHEES, N.J. — Local grandmother and World War 2 hero Dorothy Schuler was asked yesterday by her grandson Darin Roche to apply her code breaking…
NAPA, Calif. — Local woman Amanda Perez believes that, for the first time in her life, she most likely has a decent shot with actor…
LONDON — The Cure founder and noted prankster Robert Smith left another flaming bag of fried chicken on Morrissey’s doorstep last night, sources close to…
CHICAGO — Local hair stylist Anna Yun’s carefully budgeted plans for the month were derailed again yesterday by her Amazon Prime membership’s automatic renewal, marking…
SEATTLE — Method actor Chrstian Bale is preparing to star in a biopic based on famed Nirvana frontman Kurt Cobain’s life by learning to sing…
PHILADELPHIA — Local resident Daniel Mayfield is now in his 10th consecutive year of waiting to be in a good enough state-of-mind to try LSD,…
PLYMOUTH, Ind. — Last week’s wedding of Carson Kauffman and Casey Urbanski took a surprisingly dope turn when every single guest got to spit an…