PLYMOUTH, Mass. — Local parent Marsha Douglas still isn’t sure exactly what foods family friend and vegan Carolyn Hansen will eat, sources confirmed earlier today.…
THE INTERNET — A Facebook friend of yours, whom you vaguely recall from high school, couldn’t be more excited to share an exciting, not-at-all predatory…
HOUSTON — Local crust punk Shiloh Waters is still feverishly searching for a potential sitter for his beloved bedbugs while he is away on tour,…
TAMPA, Fla. — Local man Garrett Doyle has somehow managed to build a real-life personality even more insufferable than the one he portrays online, according…
HUNTSVILLE, Ala. — An attempt to locate a passport was halted earlier this afternoon when Capricorn/Libra-rising Vickie Bailey-Wilson paused the search to calculate her natal…
ST. LOUIS — Your self-described friend and all-around buzz kill Stevie Fuchas graciously informed you that the young woman who engaged in unprompted flirtation with you…
WEST CHESTER, Pa. — Hardcore scene veteran Brad White reissued his classic “Huge Fight in Philly” story earlier this week, according to witnesses. The exclusive,…
RENO, Nev. — Several founding members of local group chat “Wild Boyz” have started a new thread dedicated entirely to mocking one individual from the…
CHICAGO — Swamp Smut drummer Logan Stone discovered a text message following his set on Thursday night, reading, “What time r u playing?”, sent from…
PORTLAND, Ore. — David Hendershot, the friend who has bragged about his homemade kombucha for the past three months, finally figured out the perfect gift…
LAUREL, Md. — Danny Freedman, alleged close friend of local garage rock outfit Hopping Toads, assured the band he is “totally interested” in catching their…
NEW ORLEANS — Drone metal act hur’Q took time during their performance Friday night to honor Chris Slade, their friend and sound engineer who passed…
SILVER SPRING, Md. – An evil mastermind struck again last weekend, when James Banks pulled off the greatest heist of our time — sneaking into…
SPOKANE, WA – Local Facebook user Josh Larson was “on cloud nine” following the acceptance of his friend request by semi-popular indie rock musician Kyle…
Donnie Darko 15th Anniversary DVD Contains Audio Track of Friend Who Won’t Shut Up About Donnie Darko
LOS ANGELES — 20th Century Fox released a limited-edition DVD/Blu-ray combo pack of the time-warping cult-classic Donnie Darko earlier today, which includes a commentary track…