First Tag Archives

Book of Russian Prison Tattoos Magically Appears in Man’s Bedroom After First Stick and Poke

The Hard Times Staff • March 22, 2022

NORWELL, Mass. — Local punk Andy Walsh was shocked to discover that a coffee table book featuring various Russian prison…

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Quarantined Couple Break Up After Disastrous First Conversation Together

Amir Adan • May 20, 2020

BLOOMINGTON, Minn. — A quarantined couple stuck in the same house under self-isolation since March ended their one-and-a-half year-long relationship…

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Coward Musician Puts Title Track First

Doug Francisco • June 22, 2019

NASHVILLE, Tenn. — Singer-songwriter Stewart Coleman announced today that for his sophomore album, Time Gone Away, he put the title…

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Historians Discover First House Show Still Hasn’t Started

James Webster • May 26, 2019

RICHMOND, Va. — Researchers and social archaeologists at Virginia Commonwealth University discovered last week that the first-ever house show scheduled…

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Ska Bride and Groom Excited for First Skank As Married Couple

Patrick Coyne • May 21, 2019

TORRANCE, Calif. — Avid ska fans and recently married couple Judy Gillespie and Leonard Roth capped off their wedding celebration…

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Scientists Claim First Punk to Live to Age 65 Likely Already Born

Bobby D. Lux • December 26, 2018

WASHINGTON — Scientists researching the life expectancy of punks now claim that the first punk to live a full 65…

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Small-Town Hardcore Scene Debuts First Ever Openly Gay Member

The Hard Times Staff • December 7, 2018

BARRE, Vt. — The small, tight-knit Barre hardcore community announced last week the arrival of the first openly gay member…

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Band’s Demo Recording Could Be Paid For If Melania Trump Lived In The White House For 1.5 Seconds

Dan Rice • May 3, 2017

WASHINGTON — The anarcho-punk band Witness Destruction Program could produce their entire demo for the same amount of money taxpayers…

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World’s First Show Flyers Found Etched On Cave Walls In France

Michael Edwards • December 30, 2016

ARDÈCHE, France -- Archaeologists in Southern France made a startling discovery inside a series of recently excavated caves earlier this…

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Band Nervous to Go On Awkward First Tour Together

Daniel Louis • December 26, 2016

PHILADELPHIA -- Preparing for a weeklong string of concerts, members of indie-rock band The Soaps admitted on Thursday they are “super…

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