Press "Enter" to skip to content

Opening Band Hopes to Win Over Crowd With 17th Song

CONCORD, Calif. – Opening hardcore band Glide hopes to win over an apathetic crowd at tonight’s show by launching enthusiastically into their 17th song.

After a lackluster reaction to their first 16 songs, Glide are confident that another three-minute “banger” about scene unity and brotherhood will turn Jeremy’s garage (where the show is hosted) into a wall-to-wall pit.

“’Stick Together, Forever’ is the song that’s going to set the place off tonight,” said lead guitarist Jimmy Kaufman. “I finally convinced the guys to let me solo before and after the breakdown in this song — people need to hear this.”

Attendees outside the garage seemed less than enthusiastic about the fact Glide were still on stage and showing no signs of wrapping up their set anytime soon.

“Ah, what the fuck?” exclaimed show attendee Jessica Span. “Fucking Glide are still playing? I showed up late so I could miss them. I almost died of boredom when they played with Sinister Sisters. And seriously are they like 50 or something? Thanks for the heads up though, I’m gonna go around the corner and get a beer while they play. Can you text me when Mutant League starts?”

The members of Glide, however, seem to think that first impressions don’t matter much.


“If they don’t like the first song, or the second, or the tenth, there’s no reason the 17th can’t be the one that hooks them,” said frontman Drew Axelson. “When we are playing as hard as we can, giving it all we have, and I look out to the crowd and see those faces just absolutely glowing from the screens on their cell phones, I can only think to myself, ‘we have them right where we want them. Any second now they are going to go nuts.’ Plus, did you hear that our new song has two solos in it? People are going to lose their shit.”

UPDATE: Axelson has just informed the crowd that Glide has “four more songs”, and “if anyone knows the lyrics stand up front.”