Tim Gill
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WASHINGTON — President Donald Trump issued a mandate that all federal employees must cease obtaining vaccinations and instead schedule weekly…
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Chris Bratton
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I never thought I’d be a cautionary tale. But now I know you should never get blackout drunk in front…
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Nathan Kamal
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CHICAGO — Aging goth Ashe Montresor is barely managing to push through their daily 170-minute ritual of applying the appropriate…
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Ella Gale
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NEW YORK — Members of glam rock group KISS were spotted using a stockpile of Sephora points at a local…
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Jay Shingle
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CONCORD, N.H. — 32-year-old house sitter Ervin Holt discovered the benefits of a nightly face washing routine last week after…
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Jonah Nink
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CHICAGO — Local punk Kyla Waters has spent the past 24 hours trying to decide if her roommate’s new tattoo…
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GOLDSBORO, N.C. — Popular gaming YouTuber Jeffception underwent plastic surgery in order to have a skeptical looking expression permanently grafted…
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ATLANTA — The Center for Disease Control and Prevention held a press conference today explaining in detail the health risks…
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Mark Roebuck
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TEMPE, Ariz. — Local punk Arnie Parker vowed to take the crown for the worst tattoos back from modern hip-hop…
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Dan Kozuh
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PORTSMOUTH, Va. — 24-year-old metalhead Jim Rainer expertly passed himself off as a middle-aged dock worker yesterday, without any additional…
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