John Danek
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BLOOMINGTON, Ind. — Pretentious bourbon sniffer Patrick Welles is ruining the otherwise fun vibes of an impromptu house party hang…
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Patrick Crooks
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LINCOLN, Neb. — Local drunk Peter Brooks was outraged to find that despite holding the high score on the bar’s…
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Doug Kolic
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All I’ve heard my entire life is that alcohol is bad for my body, it’s destroying my insides, it’s gonna…
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Ted Pillow
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I remember bouncing on my father’s knee when I was just a boy, his breath that comforting aroma of Milwaukee’s…
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Patrick Crooks
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BOSTON — Friends and relatives of local resident, Brian Gibbs, have reported that the 28-year-old has insisted for years that…
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Amanda Russel
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BERKELEY, Calif. — An elite panel of alternative medical professionals announced that the common identifier “California Sober” is being expanded…
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Corey Montgomery
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SPRINGFIELD, Mo. — Local man Jerrod Wader was seen advising caution to a group of friends leaving his home during…
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John Danek
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LOS ANGELES — Literary agent and frequent binge drinker Lana Delano has no idea that despite her protests, California’s statewide…
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Billy Patterson
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ALEXANDRIA, Va. — Local man Greg Fitzwater began scrolling through his targeted ads to try to piece together what happened…
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Robert John Scucci
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AUBURN, Maine — Local resident Charles Brennan’s screen door proved to be an effective way to measure the sobriety of…
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