Dom Turek
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HIALEAH, Fla. — A new report from local drunk Emily Kinder indicates that the standards of alcoholism held by her…
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Ben Friedman
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PARAMUS, N.J. — Local man Mike Jarbowski finally decided to seek medical treatment for the twisted, demonic face growing out…
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Zach Raffio
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GRAND ISLAND, Neb. — Local doctor Harvin Smill found himself visibly sweaty this morning responding with a mumbled sequence of…
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Jay Wells L'Ecuyer
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People call whiskey a crutch, but through the good times, the bad times, and the boring times, it’s more of…
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Dave McNamara
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LOS ANGELES – Local doctor Ron Diamond found cause for concern over singer Vince Neil’s latest liver function test results…
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Chris Bowen
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MALIBU,Calif. — Folk music legend Bob Dylan was recently rushed to a local Doctor’s office because of a strange, almost…
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SPOKANE, Wash. — Local kinksters Justin Lentz and Carly Melhado added a new wrinkle to their sexual routine early yesterday…
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Chris Nakis
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BETHESDA, Md. — Dr. Anthony Fauci, director of the National Institute of Allergy and Infectious Disease, recently gave approval for…
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James Knapp
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SAINT PAUL, Minn. — 37-year-old punk Ronald “Buckets” Drearer grossly exaggerated how much alcohol he regularly consumes in order to…
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Bobby Korec
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PORTLAND, Ore. — Local crust punk Julian “The Stain” Rainer stunned a group of friends by somehow clogging a perfectly…
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