John Merrifield
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NEW YORK — Local two-timer Thomas McGibbons is looking forward to the end of quarantine after being stuck with his…
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Freelancer
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In these strange and uncertain times, it seems like the world we once knew is gone for good. But hey,…
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SANTA MONICA, Calif. — Streaming giant Hulu announced Tuesday that, due to nationwide stay-at-home orders, fans of the mid-2000s sitcom…
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Mark Roebuck
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BOSTON — Ska legends The Mighty Mighty Bosstones announced today that they will reopen for business this week at 50%…
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Zach Russell
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ANNAPOLIS, Md. — Lifelong nerd Nate Guajardo emerged from a local Planet Fitness facility today “beefed out as fuck” after…
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Dan Tomascik
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ATLANTA — Scientists at the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention are confirming that, following several states’ pushes to reopen,…
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NEW YORK — Local man Marc Ramsey has baked a life-size sourdough girlfriend to combat his quarantine-induced loneliness, concerned sources…
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BROOKLYN — Quarantined punk Lex Sykes took to his own bathroom last week to practice his vandalism skills due to…
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Jordan Breeding
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SCOTTISH HIGHLANDS — Professors at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft admit they’re struggling with teaching students remotely via Zoom several months…
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Bobby Korec
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ST. LOUIS — Local punk band Dead Houseplants will play Locust Street’s Fubar in exchange for free exposure to COVID-19…
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