ATLANTA — The Center for Disease Control and Prevention held a press conference today explaining in detail the health risks of touching Mario’s face in…
ATLANTA — The Center for Disease Control and Prevention issued a reminder today that no one would’ve attended a Thursday night show anyway at KTUB…
We’re at a crossroads here, and I don’t believe that social distancing is going to save us. Sure, I think the CDC has its heart…
LOS ANGELES — Rapper Chet Hanks, son of Tom Hanks and Rita Wilson, tested positive for “full-body dopeness” this morning following a video update on…
NEW YORK — Newly single and perfectly healthy man Dave Prost edited his Tinder bio yesterday, replacing his height with an up-to-date measurement of his…
CHICAGO — Local executive Reginald Dixon sent a company-wide email from the security of his HEPA-filtered panic room moments ago stating that the Coronavirus threat…
ATLANTA — The Center for Disease Control and Prevention released a statement earlier today warning citizens to abstain from creating any new podcasts during Coronavirus…
SPRINGFIELD, Mo. — Local frontman Spencer Wilt made an impassioned declaration to the Coronavirus “and other infectious diseases,” clarifying that highly contagious sicknesses of any…
ATLANTA — In an effort to slow the spread of the novel COVID-19, the Center for Disease Control recommended today that U.S. citizens dress in…