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Quarantine Forces “Scrubs” Fans to Acknowledge Existence of Season 9

SANTA MONICA, Calif. — Streaming giant Hulu announced Tuesday that, due to nationwide stay-at-home orders, fans of the mid-2000s sitcom “Scrubs” now must acknowledge the existence of its widely despised ninth season.

“Although ‘Scrubs’ has been on Hulu for years, we’ve never once seen a single subscriber actually watch season 9. It was as if it didn’t exist. But after quarantine started, the numbers slowly but surely surged towards double digits,” Hulu president Kelly Campbell told reporters. “And with the rate people are getting sick of their loved ones, it’s inevitable they’ll get desperate enough to give season 9 a shot. Forget the economy — this is the next major global disaster.”

Hulu subscribers nationwide have taken to social media to air their grievances.

“I was a huge fan of ‘Scrubs,’ and even I had no idea the show moved to ABC for a final, greed-driven, 9th season that didn’t even star Zach Braff,” said recently unemployed botanist James Holcomb. “Season 8 even had an episode called ‘My Finale,’ where J.D. says goodbye to literally everyone who was ever on the show. And then they did another season? The whole thing is almost enough to force me to get off the couch and go outside. Almost.”

“Scrubs” creator Bill Lawrence reflected on his genuine shock after a 9th season of the show was ordered.

“It was a weird time, man. ABC was a mess. You know how coked up the network heads were? I don’t even think they meant to renew us — I think it was supposed to go to that show ‘Pushing Daisies.’ But I just kept my mouth shut and cashed those checks,” said Lawrence. “Besides, you know what else was airing on ABC in 2008? ‘Lost.’ As far as I’m concerned, as long as we weren’t as bad as that goddamn mess, we were doing alright.”

Hulu executives are urging subscribers to take care of their mental health by spending time outdoors, drinking in moderation, and avoiding the disastrous “How I Met Your Mother” finale.