SYDNEY — An enlightening new study from researchers at The University of Sydney found that the majority of sea turtles get straws stuck up their…
PALMDALE, Calif. — Local fuel sniffer, Seth Carr, purchased several grams of heavily cut cocaine in response to historically high gas prices and the need…
Damn it, dude! They’ve gotta be here somewhere, but I can’t find ‘em! Have you seen my… uh… you know… uh… Ideas? YEAH! Ideas! I…
MIAMI — A small group of 19th Century time travelers is reportedly very disappointed with the lack of readily available cocaine in modern times, according…
LOS ANGELES — Bored Marvel and Disney executives confirmed that they have greenlit a Captain America vs. Predator crossover mostly for shits and giggles, insiders…
BURBANK, Calif. — Hollywood is abuzz amidst reports that one of its most fabled power couples, acclaimed director Martin Scorsese and his ‘70s muse, a…
After decades in television and cinema, if there’s one thing people remember about Tim Allen it’s the name he made for himself as an icon.…
Sometimes in the punk scene, a friend will take the partying too far and all you can do is be supportive when they get clean.…
LOS ANGELES — Local fuckup Jerry Millwater’s 2021 New Year’s resolution of “practice more self-care” is concerned about its upcoming fight with the overwhelming force…
BROOKLYN, N.Y. — Gamer Brian Kology was disappointed after his attempt at livening up a rooftop party by bringing his Nintendo Switch along resulted in…
HARRISBURG, Pa. — Local man and alleged former drug addict Kyle Drury is “weirdly braggy” about the apparently darkest, most terrifying experience of his life…
SEATTLE — Seattle Police Lieutenant Chuck Haines is beginning to worry that his dealer may be tampering with his cocaine, following a rash of well-publicized…